Coachella Medical Staff Rush Overly Lucid Man To Emergency Psychedelics Tent
INDIO, CA—Stressing that they had to act quickly before the situation further deteriorated, medical staff working the Coachella Valley…
Category: The Onion
Passenger Gives Birth Mid-Flight
A Caribbean Airlines passenger went into labor while traveling to New York from Jamaica, giving birth as the flight…
State Department Issues Travel Warning For Women Vacationing With Husbands
WASHINGTON—In an effort to call attention to a potentially life-threatening hazard, the State Department issued a travel warning Thursday…
NASA’s Artemis II Mission By The Numbers
Following their historic moon flyby, the Artemis II crew will return to Earth on Friday. The Onion looks at…
Swollen RFK Jr. Warns Americans Not Eating Enough Bees
WASHINGTON—After manually prying his eyelids open to read from a report he had prepared on the matter, a badly…
‘The Devil Wears Prada 2’ Director Confirms Adrian Grenier Cameo As Corpse On Street
NEW YORK—In an announcement that left fans of the 2006 original buzzing with excitement, The Devil Wears Prada 2…
J.K. Rowling Escapes Insane Asylum
LONDON—Urging the public to remain calm as authorities worked to recapture the mentally disturbed individual, city officials confirmed Monday…
Downed U.S. Airman Rescued From Iran
A U.S. Air Force officer who went missing after his fighter jet was shot down over a remote area…
Snob Doesn’t Think Audiobook Counts As Real Porn
The post Snob Doesn’t Think Audiobook Counts As Real Porn appeared first on The Onion. The post Snob Doesn’t…
Bari Weiss Attempts To Boost Ratings By Kidnapping Tony Dokoupil’s Mom
NEW YORK—In a desperate ploy aimed at playing on the sympathies of concerned viewers, CBS News editor-in-chief Bari Weiss…