RACINE, WI—Vowing that the new product line was the ideal way to make termites and beetles suffer for all eternity, household chemical manufacturer S.C. Johnson announced Wednesday that its insecticide brand Raid would be unveiling a new immortality spray that curses insects to watch everyone they love die. “With Raid Immortality Spray, bugs will no longer be granted the sweet release of death, and will instead be burdened with forever walking the Earth watching friends, family, and loved ones slowly wither and expire around them,” said brand representative Sawyer Weidman, noting that the new product effectively made both small and large bugs grapple with physical decay until being driven to madness with no lingering odor in houses or apartments. “Now purchasers can not only eliminate unwanted pests in their homes, but also imprison them in a Sisyphean existence in which their larvae and mates will turn to dust before their compound eyes. Even if they are stepped on, swatted, or squished, their spirit will carry on until the final atom in the universe burns out and they are merely buzzing specks in the expansive nothingness.” Weidman also teased a new product line of labyrinth traps to condemn roaches in an endless maze with no exit.
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RACINE, WI—Vowing that the new product line was the ideal way to make termites and beetles suffer for all eternity, household chemical manufacturer S.C. Johnson announced Wednesday that its insecticide brand Raid would be unveiling a new immortality spray that curses insects to watch everyone they love die. “With Raid Immortality Spray, bugs will no
The post New Raid Immortality Spray Curses Insects To Watch Everyone They Love Die appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
