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Category: The Onion

Melania Trump Documentary Fails To Sell Tickets
The Onion

Melania Trump Documentary Fails To Sell Tickets

FinnFebruary 1, 2026

       Poor ticket sales for Melania Trump’s documentary Melania have led to rescue efforts by the GOP that include buying…

Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For
The Onion

Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For

FinnJanuary 31, 2026

       The post Rifle-Wielding Chair Umpire Asks Crowd If Making Noise During Australian Open Truly Worth Dying For appeared first…

LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench
The Onion

LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       The post LeBron James Clearly Using Golf Simulator On Bench appeared first on The Onion.    The post LeBron James…

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein
The Onion

TikTok Blocks Mentions Of Jeffrey Epstein

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       TikTok users in the U.S. claimed they were unable to write the word “Epstein” in messages, fueling accusations that…

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga
The Onion

New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       The post New Sydney Sweeney Lingerie Line Will Accommodate Sizes Humungo Through Awooga appeared first on The Onion.    The…

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet
The Onion

RFK Jr. Demonstrates How To Remove Tapeworm By Scooting Ass Across Carpet

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       WASHINGTON—In an address touting the practice as a completely drug-free method to relieve the common affliction, Secretary of Health…

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour
The Onion

Culinary Students Given Live Baby To Learn How To Care For Bag Of Flour

FinnJanuary 30, 2026

       HYDE PARK, NY—Stifling their groans as an instructor distributed the wailing infants, students at the Culinary Institute of America…

Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town Hall
The Onion

Ilhan Omar Sprayed With Liquid At Town Hall

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) was rushed by a man during a town hall and sprayed with what was revealed…

Trump’s First Year In Office
The Onion

Trump’s First Year In Office

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       Trump’s First Year In Office Since returning to the White House, President Trump has significantly escalated his incendiary rhetoric, legally…

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head
The Onion

Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head

FinnJanuary 29, 2026

       The post Health Speculations Swirl After Trump Spotted Wearing Glove Over Head appeared first on The Onion.    The post…

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