Study Finds Processed Meats Carcinogenic But They Were On Sale
INDIANAPOLIS—Suggesting there were some deals even cancer researchers couldn’t say no to, a new study published Thursday by the…
Category: The Onion
WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’
The post WHO: ‘Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels’ appeared first on The Onion. The post WHO: ‘Nothing…
Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke
The post Trump Appears To Doze During Stroke appeared first on The Onion. The post Trump Appears To Doze…
Single Woman Tired Of Looking For Mr. Bean
SPOKANE, WA—Lamenting that she still hadn’t found the bug-eyed man-child of her dreams, area bachelorette Louise Perkins confirmed Tuesday…
Judge Resigns After Wearing Elvis Wig In Court
A judge in Missouri resigned after wearing an Elvis Presley wig in court, coming after a disciplinary commission determined…
Trump Announces 5,000% Increase In All Numbers
WASHINGTON—Touting his latest executive order as a historic win for the U.S. economy, President Donald Trump announced Friday that…
Pete Hegseth Wakes Up At 3 P.M. With Dozen Missed Calls From The Hague
The post Pete Hegseth Wakes Up At 3 P.M. With Dozen Missed Calls From The Hague appeared first on…
Man Proudly Saves $8 On Pubic Hair Trimmer
The post Man Proudly Saves $8 On Pubic Hair Trimmer appeared first on The Onion. The post Man Proudly…
Heaven Can’t Wait
The post Heaven Can’t Wait appeared first on The Onion. The post Heaven Can’t Wait appeared first on The…
Cold As ICE
The post Cold As ICE appeared first on The Onion. The post Cold As ICE appeared first on The…