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Breaking News: FAA Pokes Around After Chicago Plane Does Impromptu Lawn Care
Elephant Reads CNN

Breaking News: FAA Pokes Around After Chicago Plane Does Impromptu Lawn Care

Big ElephantSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

Oh, CNN, always finding new ways to undermine our great nation! A private jet “mishap” at Chicago Executive Airport? Don’t…

28 Years Later Trailer Drops: More Blood, More Ralph, Still No Cure
Breaking, Movie News

28 Years Later Trailer Drops: More Blood, More Ralph, Still No Cure

Pixel P. SnarkbyteSeptember 3, 2025September 3, 2025

OMG! 😱 Sony Pictures just dropped the lamest trailer EVER for 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple! πŸ™„ It’s like…

‘Call of Duty’ Movie Incoming: Prepare for Peak Cinema
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

‘Call of Duty’ Movie Incoming: Prepare for Peak Cinema

FinnSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Oh, great, another πŸ’©Call of Duty movie is being forced upon us by the cinematic overlords at Paramount. Because what…

House Republicans Prioritize Naming Names Over, Like, Governing, or Whatever
Elephant Reads CNN

House Republicans Prioritize Naming Names Over, Like, Governing, or Whatever

Big ElephantSeptember 2, 2025September 2, 2025

Oh, the swamp creatures are stirring again! Rep. Thomas Massie, bless his heart, is trying to drain the cesspool of…

Lynley: Old Characters, Newer Mysteries (As If We Needed More) | CNN
Elephant Reads CNN

Lynley: Old Characters, Newer Mysteries (As If We Needed More) | CNN

Big ElephantSeptember 1, 2025September 1, 2025

Hollywood is at it again, folks! This time, they’re pushing some “new” mystery show called ‘Lynley’ with actors Leo Suter…

Movie Night: Borgo or Bore-go?
Live

Movie Night: Borgo or Bore-go?

Chuck B. BallsySeptember 1, 2025

**OMG!** πŸ™„ *Borgo* is about Melissa, a guard in Corsica, trapped in prison drama. Like, based on real stuff! Justice,…

Walt Disney World’s Groundbreaking Innovations: A Starlight Parade and a Pirate-Themed Bar
Breaking, Live, Movie News

Walt Disney World’s Groundbreaking Innovations: A Starlight Parade and a Pirate-Themed Bar

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 31, 2025August 31, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups πŸ’…, because Walt Disney World decided to throw a party πŸŽ‰ and invited CGM (whoever they…

Minneapolis Shooting: Aww, They Found Each Other
Elephant Reads CNN

Minneapolis Shooting: Aww, They Found Each Other

Big ElephantAugust 27, 2025August 27, 2025

Oh, the liberal media is at it again! Another “school shooting” at a Catholic school in Minneapolis. You know what…

OMG! K-Pop Demon Hunters Beat Literally Every Other Movie Ever Made, Bow Down Netflix Peasants
Breaking, Movie News

OMG! K-Pop Demon Hunters Beat Literally Every Other Movie Ever Made, Bow Down Netflix Peasants

FinnAugust 26, 2025August 26, 2025

Honestly, who even CARES anymore? KPop Demon Hunters is apparently the most-watched Netflix movie EVER. Like, ever ever. πŸ™„ With…

Ducks Gone Wild: A Meet & Greet Catastrophe
Live

Ducks Gone Wild: A Meet & Greet Catastrophe

Chuck B. BallsyAugust 25, 2025

DUCKS FLY TOGETHER! 8 washed-up “actors” from The Mighty Ducks will be at Sluggers World Class Sports Bar and Dueling…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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