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Tag: crime

Kimmel Dangles Olive Branch (Probably Poisoned) After Trump’s ABC Meltdown: A CNN Business Masterpiece
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Kimmel Dangles Olive Branch (Probably Poisoned) After Trump’s ABC Meltdown: A CNN Business Masterpiece

Big ElephantNovember 21, 2025November 21, 2025

Oh, the delicate snowflakes at CNN are at it again, clutching their pearls because our glorious President Trump dared to…

CNN desperately grasps at straws after Trump commits the ultimate crime of hurting their feelings
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN desperately grasps at straws after Trump commits the ultimate crime of hurting their feelings

Big ElephantNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

Another day, another snowflake melts! Congressman Crybaby Chris Deluzio (D-PA) is having a boo-hoo moment after President Trump called out…

CNN Reports: Despite MAGA Tears, US Latino Population Still Partying and Growing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

CNN Reports: Despite MAGA Tears, US Latino Population Still Partying and Growing

Big ElephantNovember 20, 2025November 20, 2025

CNN is at it again, folks! This time, they’re pushing the narrative that Latino identity is at a “turning point”…

Stone Temple Pilots’ Dean DeLeo: Spotify’s Royalty Rates? More Like Highway Robbery, Am I Right
Breaking, Music News

Stone Temple Pilots’ Dean DeLeo: Spotify’s Royalty Rates? More Like Highway Robbery, Am I Right

Chord F. DiscordNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

🎸 Dean DeLeo from STONE TEMPLE PILOTS (the band your dad used to blast in the minivan 🚐) is whining…

James Cameron Still Clinging to ‘Alita’ Like Rose to That Door
Breaking, Movie News

James Cameron Still Clinging to ‘Alita’ Like Rose to That Door

FinnNovember 18, 2025November 18, 2025

OMG! 😱 James Cameron, the guy who brought us underwater CGI blue people and sinking ships, has apparently sworn a…

Wake Up, Buttercup: Another Knives Out Trailer to Judge Harshly
Benoit Blanc returns, probably to solve another murder because that's literally all he does. 😴
Breaking, Movie News

Wake Up, Buttercup: Another Knives Out Trailer to Judge Harshly

FinnNovember 17, 2025November 17, 2025

Daniel Craig is BACK (again) as Benoit Blanc in Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery, because apparently, Rian…

Re-Animator Gets the 4K Treatment Because Apparently One Corpse Party Wasn’t Enough
Breaking, Movie News

Re-Animator Gets the 4K Treatment Because Apparently One Corpse Party Wasn’t Enough

FinnNovember 14, 2025November 14, 2025

Oh, sweet zombie Jesus, ANOTHER Re-Animator release? 🙄 Didn’t we all suffer enough back in the ’80s? But noooo, Second…

LITA FORD Claims She ‘Invented’ Being a Solo Artist After That Band Everyone Forgot About
Breaking, Music News

LITA FORD Claims She ‘Invented’ Being a Solo Artist After That Band Everyone Forgot About

Chord F. DiscordNovember 13, 2025November 13, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups, because Lita Ford, our resident queen of hairspray and questionable decisions, just dropped some truth bombs…

Oklahoma Guv Pulls Epic Save on Death Row Dude Like a Boss
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Oklahoma Guv Pulls Epic Save on Death Row Dude Like a Boss

Big ElephantNovember 13, 2025November 13, 2025

Another day, another Democrat soft on crime! Oklahoma’s Governor Stitt, probably listening to the radical left, just saved a cold-blooded…

DHS Claims Agents Got Shot At During Chicago Immigration Roundup Debacle, Because Apparently, They’re Writing a Comedy Now
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

DHS Claims Agents Got Shot At During Chicago Immigration Roundup Debacle, Because Apparently, They’re Writing a Comedy Now

Big ElephantNovember 10, 2025November 10, 2025

Another day, another delusional Democrat freakout in the once-great city of Chicago! Seems like our brave DHS agents are under…

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Latest posts

  • California Passes Law Making It A Crime To Report A Crime
  • Trump Makes Figurines Of Himself, Ivanka Kiss In Miniature Ballroom Model
  • Get Ready for the Most Awkward Therapy Sessions Ever Sex Coaching is Now a Thing
  • ARCHITECTS Singer SAM CARTER Reveals The Most Metal Thing That’s Ever Happened To Him: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Brought Them A Cake And Didn’t Even Smash It
  • SBC Approves Use Of Tasers On Any Visitor Who Tries To Slip Past Greeters

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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