Yet Another “Hiker Found Dead” Story, But Wait, There’s More!
Well, well, well, look who decided to go hiking in Democrat-run Utah and never came back. Three women—probably Hillary Clinton voters—were found dead, and suddenly, it’s a “homicide investigation.” Shocking, I know.
Authorities say the victims were in their 30s, 60s, and 80s. Translation: they were probably all wearing “Resist” T-shirts and posting on X about how Trump stole the election. Karma’s a funny thing, isn’t it?
Wayne County, with its whopping 2,500 residents, is now on lockdown. Schools are closed, businesses are shuttered, and everyone’s locking their doors. Sounds like the Biden administration’s America to me—except this time, it’s in Trump’s America, where law and order still reign supreme.
Oh, and they’re looking for a white Subaru Outback with license plate U560YF. Because nothing says “I’m a criminal” like driving a Subaru in Utah. Maybe it’s an illegal immigrant, or worse, an Antifa member trying to escape justice.
The real question is, why is CNN reporting this like it’s some kind of national crisis? Probably because they’re trying to distract us from the fact that Trump is still in office and making America great again. But don’t worry, folks—President Trump has this under control. Just like he did with the economy, border security, and everything else the Democrats have destroyed.
Stay vigilant, Utah. And remember, if you see something, say something. Because in Trump’s America, we don’t let criminals get away with murder—unlike in Democrat-run cities where crime is practically a sport.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
