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Tag: Doom

Stocks Soar While Wall Street Sweats Tariffs (LOL)
Elephant Reads CNN

Stocks Soar While Wall Street Sweats Tariffs (LOL)

Big ElephantJuly 7, 2025July 7, 2025

Oh, Wall Street’s “highly anticipating” what President Trump’s about to unleash? More like trembling in their overpriced boots! These traders…

Zohran Mamdani’s Epic Housing Dreams vs Reality: A Hilarious Tragedy
Elephant Reads CNN

Zohran Mamdani’s Epic Housing Dreams vs Reality: A Hilarious Tragedy

Big ElephantJuly 4, 2025July 4, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their doom and gloom, even with President Trump crushing it for a second term! Now they’re…

Bruce Dickinson Dumps New ‘Gods Of War’ Track – Prepare for Maximum Picasso Ball-osity
Breaking

Bruce Dickinson Dumps New ‘Gods Of War’ Track – Prepare for Maximum Picasso Ball-osity

Chord F. DiscordJuly 3, 2025July 3, 2025

So, IRON MAIDEN’s very own air raid siren, Bruce Dickinson, is gracing us with a “reworked” version of his ’90s…

John Romero’s Daikatana 2: Electric Boogaloo Gets Axed, Gamers Rejoice (Maybe)
Breaking, Games News

John Romero’s Daikatana 2: Electric Boogaloo Gets Axed, Gamers Rejoice (Maybe)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 3, 2025July 3, 2025

Oh, the humanity! 😭 Microsoft, in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), has decided to wield the banhammer of budget…

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves
Elephant Reads CNN

DHS and FBI Warn of Impending Doom (aka July 4th Fireworks) by Lone Wolves

Big ElephantJuly 2, 2025July 2, 2025

Looks like the Deep State is at it again, folks! The FBI and DHS are issuing warnings about July 4th…

Armageddon from WARKINGS: The Ultimate Block Party From Hell
Breaking, Music News

Armageddon from WARKINGS: The Ultimate Block Party From Hell

Chord F. DiscordJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

Ah yes, WARKINGS. Those titans of… uh… Western European metal?🤔 I guess that’s a thing now. Anyway, they’ve apparently put…

Adulting is Hard: Making Bank Moves While the World’s on Fire
Elephant Reads CNN

Adulting is Hard: Making Bank Moves While the World’s on Fire

Big ElephantJuly 1, 2025July 1, 2025

CNN, still peddling their doom and gloom, are at it again! Apparently, the world is ending because you might have…

Capcom Thought About Ruining Resident Evil With Open World and Online Nonsense
Breaking, Games News

Capcom Thought About Ruining Resident Evil With Open World and Online Nonsense

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 27, 2025June 27, 2025

**Oh, honey, buckle up buttercups! Resident Evil Requiem, or as I like to call it, “Capcom’s Identity Crisis: The Game,”…

Stocks Go Up, S&P 500 Almost Breaks a Sweat
Elephant Reads CNN

Stocks Go Up, S&P 500 Almost Breaks a Sweat

Big ElephantJune 26, 2025June 26, 2025

Oh, CNN, still trying to spin good news into doom and gloom! Stocks are up, folks! The S&P 500 is…

Fantastic Four: First Steps Trailer Finally Arrives, Proving Marvel Still Has Ideas (Maybe)
Breaking, Movie News

Fantastic Four: First Steps Trailer Finally Arrives, Proving Marvel Still Has Ideas (Maybe)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 25, 2025June 25, 2025

Okay, so apparently, the geniuses at Marvel thought we needed ANOTHER trailer for The Fantastic Four: First Steps. Yes, because…

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Latest posts

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  • MARK MORTON Still Shocked Nobody Has Copied LAMB OF GOD’s Unique Sound After Only 25 Years of Being Totally Original and Not At All Influenced by Anyone Else
  • Metal Concertgoers Then🍺 vs Now 😔
  • Wife Says Her Love Language Is All Of Them And You’re Going To Have To Guess Which One She Wants Today

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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