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Tag: Doom

State Department Accidentally Stops Giving Truckers Visas, World Trembles
Elephant Reads CNN

State Department Accidentally Stops Giving Truckers Visas, World Trembles

Big ElephantAugust 22, 2025August 22, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the forces of good! Secretary of State Rubio, a true patriot, is…

Daniel Day-Lewis dusts off his acting muscles for the cinematic masterpiece “Anemone” trailer, you peasants
Breaking

Daniel Day-Lewis dusts off his acting muscles for the cinematic masterpiece “Anemone” trailer, you peasants

FinnAugust 21, 2025August 21, 2025

Oh, look, another movie! 🙄 As if we needed more moving pictures to distract us from the impending doom of…

My Dying Bride Scraps New Album, Has Only ‘Bits Of Three Songs’ Ready: ‘We’re Always Procrastinating’
Breaking, Music News

My Dying Bride Scraps New Album, Has Only ‘Bits Of Three Songs’ Ready: ‘We’re Always Procrastinating’

Chord F. DiscordAugust 20, 2025August 20, 2025

So, MY DYING BRIDE, those purveyors of sonic melancholy, have decided to shake things up a bit, or rather, throw…

Razer’s Newest Pokémon Collab: Prepare for Peak Cringe!
Breaking, Games News

Razer’s Newest Pokémon Collab: Prepare for Peak Cringe!

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 19, 2025August 19, 2025

OMG 😱! Razer, the kings 👑 of squeezing every last penny 💰 out of your nostalgia, just dropped ANOTHER collab!…

5 Games Left in 2025 That Might Not Suck (Fingers Crossed)
Breaking, Games News

5 Games Left in 2025 That Might Not Suck (Fingers Crossed)

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 17, 2025August 17, 2025

Alright, gamers, summer’s (almost) over, but who cares? 🤷 We’ve got like, what, five games left in 2025 that might…

PARADISE LOST Unleashes New Single ‘Tyrants Serenade’ – Prepare for the Melancholy Onslaught from ‘Ascension’ Album (As If You Had a Choice)
Breaking, Music News

PARADISE LOST Unleashes New Single ‘Tyrants Serenade’ – Prepare for the Melancholy Onslaught from ‘Ascension’ Album (As If You Had a Choice)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

PARADISE LOST, those lovable British purveyors of gloom and riffs, have unleashed yet ANOTHER music video for “Tyrants Serenade.” Because,…

Retail Sales Surge Like a Drunk Uncle at a Wedding, Up 0.5%
Elephant Reads CNN

Retail Sales Surge Like a Drunk Uncle at a Wedding, Up 0.5%

Big ElephantAugust 15, 2025August 15, 2025

Another day, another victory for President Trump and the American economy! CNN is trying to downplay the incredible news that…

Thunderbolts’ Streaming Premiere Date Announced (As If You Care)
Breaking, Movie News

Thunderbolts’ Streaming Premiere Date Announced (As If You Care)

FinnAugust 14, 2025August 14, 2025

Oh boy, another Marvel movie! 🙄 As if we didn’t have enough of those already. But wait, this one’s *different*.…

Ryan Reynolds Drops Avengers Bomb, Internet Goes Full-On Deadpool Psycho
Breaking, Movie News

Ryan Reynolds Drops Avengers Bomb, Internet Goes Full-On Deadpool Psycho

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 12, 2025August 12, 2025

OMG! 😱 You guys are STILL talking about Deadpool joining the Avengers? Seriously? 🙄 Hasn’t Marvel milked that cow dry…

CNN’s “Analysis”: Orange Man Good, But Maybe Bad? A Rollercoaster of Confusion!
Elephant Reads CNN

CNN’s “Analysis”: Orange Man Good, But Maybe Bad? A Rollercoaster of Confusion!

Big ElephantAugust 11, 2025August 11, 2025

You wouldn’t BELIEVE what the liberal fake news is trying to peddle now! Apparently, President Trump’s “unchallenged personal power plays”…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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