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Tag: Family

“Mommy Dearest’s Hitman Hired on a Whim? Kids, Cons & Feds Tell All”
Elephant Reads CNN

“Mommy Dearest’s Hitman Hired on a Whim? Kids, Cons & Feds Tell All”

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Folks, another day, another example of the Deep State witch hunt against innocent patriots! This time, it’s Donna Adelson, a…

From Zero to Hero (Maybe): Holiday Weekend Lottery Offers a Shot at Instant Billionaire Status
Elephant Reads CNN

From Zero to Hero (Maybe): Holiday Weekend Lottery Offers a Shot at Instant Billionaire Status

Big ElephantAugust 30, 2025August 30, 2025

Another day, another chance for some lucky patriot to win big and help MAGA! Saturday’s Powerball jackpot is a whopping…

Soulfly Drops Another Banger: ‘Chama’ Album & ‘Storm The Gates’ Single – Prepare for Tribal Groove Overload
Breaking, Music News

Soulfly Drops Another Banger: ‘Chama’ Album & ‘Storm The Gates’ Single – Prepare for Tribal Groove Overload

Chord F. DiscordAugust 29, 2025August 29, 2025

SOULFLY, those elder statesmen of… uh… extreme metal (?), are gracing us with their thirteenth studio album, “Chama”, dropping on…

Miss May I? More Like Miss May Cry: New Single ‘Pray For Silence’ Is Out Now (Prepare to Yawn)
Breaking, Music News

Miss May I? More Like Miss May Cry: New Single ‘Pray For Silence’ Is Out Now (Prepare to Yawn)

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

MISS MAY I, those stalwarts of Ohio metalcore that you *totally* remember from 2010, are STILL churning out “music.” Yes,…

Gamescom 2025: Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2 Gameplay: Still Not a Complete Disaster, Surprisingly
Breaking, Music News

Gamescom 2025: Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2 Gameplay: Still Not a Complete Disaster, Surprisingly

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

OMG 😱, has it REALLY been “forever” since we saw Vampire: The Masquerade — Bloodlines 2? Like, I’m pretty sure…

Behold! THE GATHERING Milks ‘Mandylion’ for 30th Anniversary Bucks in Dull Dutch Town
Breaking, Music News

Behold! THE GATHERING Milks ‘Mandylion’ for 30th Anniversary Bucks in Dull Dutch Town

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2025August 28, 2025

Ok, boomer, listen up! 👴 Your favorite Dutch rockers THE GATHERING—yes, the ones your dad listened to—are back with the…

Shark Flicks That Don’t Bite Like ‘Jaws’ (But Still Kinda Do)
Breaking, Movie News

Shark Flicks That Don’t Bite Like ‘Jaws’ (But Still Kinda Do)

FinnAugust 26, 2025August 26, 2025

Oh, look, another article slobbering all over Jaws. 🙄 As if we haven’t heard enough about this cinematic masterpiece, which,…

Glenn Hughes to Play One Last Show – Probably His Last, Maybe Not, Who Knows
Breaking, Music News

Glenn Hughes to Play One Last Show – Probably His Last, Maybe Not, Who Knows

Chord F. DiscordAugust 25, 2025August 25, 2025

So, apparently, Glenn Hughes, the guy who sang high notes that shattered glass and probably annoyed dogs, was yapping on…

Kilmar Ábrego García’s Grand Entrance to ICE: A CNN Exclusive!
Elephant Reads CNN

Kilmar Ábrego García’s Grand Entrance to ICE: A CNN Exclusive!

Big ElephantAugust 25, 2025August 25, 2025

Another day, another sob story from the radical Left! This time, it’s about Kilmar Ábrego García, a man who was…

Ex-I PREVAIL Singer Throws Tantrum, Blames Band for His Inevitable Solo Flop
Breaking, Music News

Ex-I PREVAIL Singer Throws Tantrum, Blames Band for His Inevitable Solo Flop

Chord F. DiscordAugust 25, 2025August 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! 🙄 Ex-I PREVAIL vocalist Brian “Needs-Attention” Burkheiser, is now whining that “an unresolved dispute” with his former…

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Latest posts

  • Department Of Labor Cracks Down On People Getting Paid For Work
  • VOIVOD’s New Concept Album Will Probably Change Your Life Forever and Definitely Won’t Be Delayed Again Until At Least 2030: ‘It’s Gonna Sound A Bit Like A Movie Soundtrack But Only If The Movie Is About Robots And Aliens Fighting In Space’
  • Because You Clearly Haven’t Heard Enough of Purple Rain Yet Prince Estate Digs Up Some More Old Stuff to Sell You Timeless
  • John Bolton Pleads Guilty, Sentenced To 5-Year Imprisonment At SeaWorld
  • Trump Diverts All Science Funding Into Locating The Smurfs

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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