Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • The Jackal Index
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: Girls

John 5 Claims Vince Neil Sang Something During Mötley Crüe’s 2025 Las Vegas Residency
Breaking, Music News

John 5 Claims Vince Neil Sang Something During Mötley Crüe’s 2025 Las Vegas Residency

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 14, 2026January 14, 2026

Behold, the Glorious Return of the Motley Crüe Time Machine: Because 2026 Needs More Spandex and “Theatrical” Rock! 🎸 In…

Boomer Screws Up Economy So Bad Their Grandkids Have To Attend A Free Webinar On Trauma
Live

Boomer Screws Up Economy So Bad Their Grandkids Have To Attend A Free Webinar On Trauma

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 13, 2026

**Family trauma is hereditary! 😱 Join Alex Rohn, LMHC, on Apr 30, 2025, at 12:00 PM ET for a 1-hour…

HELIX’s BRIAN VOLLMER Says Retirement Is For People Who Can’t Rock An Air Guitar In Their Sleep
Breaking, Music News

HELIX’s BRIAN VOLLMER Says Retirement Is For People Who Can’t Rock An Air Guitar In Their Sleep

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 10, 2026January 10, 2026

HELIX’s Brian Vollmer, 70-something and still belting like a banshee who just found out her favorite coffee shop switched to…

Matinee Disco @ Joyface – Where the Sunshine Boys Groove and the Girls Get Groovy
Live

Matinee Disco @ Joyface – Where the Sunshine Boys Groove and the Girls Get Groovy

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 10, 2026

🚨 BREAKING: Over-30s Can Now Dance Without Needing a Nap Before 9 PM! 🕺🍕 The “Matinee Disco” at Joyface (71…

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Be ‘Dramatic’ Anymore
Live

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Be ‘Dramatic’ Anymore

Chuck B. BallsyJanuary 5, 2026

Attend this crucial event on ADHD in women and girls — because nothing says ’empathy’ like a PowerPoint on hormones.…

The Midnight Circus at The Trade Hotel is where Gatsby MKE will make you feel like a confused clown on NYE
Live

The Midnight Circus at The Trade Hotel is where Gatsby MKE will make you feel like a confused clown on NYE

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 31, 2025

Ring in 2026 in Grand Style!Step right up and prepare to be dazzled; this New Year’s Eve, Gatsby MKE presents…

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Blame It on Hormones Anymore
Live

ADHD in Women and Girls: Because Apparently We Can’t Just Blame It on Hormones Anymore

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 30, 2025

Attention Deficit Ladies Club: A Hormone-Fueled Circus 🎪💥 Ready to learn why women with ADHD are masters of “I swear…

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos
Breaking, Music News

NECROBUTCHER Hopes MAYHEM Survives Another Two Decades of Corpse Paint and Chaos

Chord F. DiscordDecember 29, 2025December 29, 2025

🎵 When Black Metal Meets Retirement Plans: MAYHEM’s Quest to Outlive Their Fans (and Possibly Themselves) 🧓‍♂️⚰️ In a shocking…

Rep. Dingell: Let’s All Get Together and Vote on Whether to Blow Stuff Up in Nigeria
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rep. Dingell: Let’s All Get Together and Vote on Whether to Blow Stuff Up in Nigeria

Big ElephantDecember 26, 2025December 26, 2025

Another Day, Another Democrat Trying to Tie Trump’s Hands While America Burns In a stunning display of partisan pettiness that…

House Oversight Chair Gives Clintons a Second Chance to Talk About Epstein—Skipping It Means Contempt and Awkward Holiday Invitations
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

House Oversight Chair Gives Clintons a Second Chance to Talk About Epstein—Skipping It Means Contempt and Awkward Holiday Invitations

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

The House Oversight Committee is offering former President Bill Clinton and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton new deposition dates…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 2 3 4 … 7 Next

Latest posts

  • Because What Hollywood Needs Is More Lawyers And Fewer Original Ideas
  • Cop Responds To Gunfire With Fatal Effectiveness Apparently
  • 8 Simple, Foolproof Ways To Test An Athlete’s Gender
  • Graham Platner Mulls Exit Amid Mounting Pressure
  • My Chemical Romance Debuts Ambulance Live Onstage Tonight

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
July 2026
S M T W T F S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  
« Jun    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}