Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: health

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm
Breaking, Music News

Papa Roach Drops ‘Braindead’ Track with H2O’s Toby Morse, Proving They Still Know How to Make Us Facepalm

Chord F. DiscordAugust 2, 2025August 2, 2025

Behold, the titans of nu-metal PAPA ROACH, who, after years of relentlessly assaulting our ears with their unique brand of…

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)
Breaking, Music News

Primal Fear Drops Schmaltzy Vid for ‘Tears of Fire’ Single from ‘Domination’ Album (Yeah, We’re Still Here)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 31, 2025July 31, 2025

Oh, look, it’s PRIMAL FEAR, those geriatric power metal dudes, bless their cotton socks! They’ve dropped another “banger” called “Tears…

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’
Breaking, Music News

Witness the Glorious Trainwreck: Mariachi Band Violates Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Video of the Mariachi Rams, bless their cotton socks 🧦, playing a *slightly* butchered adaptation of the timeless 🕰️ Ozzy…

Shinedown: Oh Look, Another Single in October, Album Number Eight Coming in November, Yawn
Breaking, Music News

Shinedown: Oh Look, Another Single in October, Album Number Eight Coming in November, Yawn

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

In a groundbreaking, earth-shattering, Pulitzer Prize-worthy interview with The Mistress Carrie Podcast (never heard of it), SHINEDOWN frontman Brent Smith…

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile
Breaking, Music News

Ozzy’s Dead, LOL: Fans Get Last Selfies with Corpse-Mobile

Chord F. DiscordJuly 30, 2025July 30, 2025

Breaking News: The geriatric bat-muncher, Ozzy Osbourne, has FINALLY shuffled off this mortal coil! 🥳 And because we live in…

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)
Breaking, Music News

BUSH Drops ‘Scars’ Video From ‘I Beat Loneliness’ Album (Yeah Right)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 29, 2025July 29, 2025

BUSH, those lovable relics from the mid-90s who are still somehow kicking, have graced us with a music video for…

Celine Dion, bless her heart, thinks Ozzy is ‘original’ LOL
Breaking, Music News

Celine Dion, bless her heart, thinks Ozzy is ‘original’ LOL

Chord F. DiscordJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

OMG! 😲 The world-renowned vocal powerhouse, Celine Dion, has finally acknowledged the existence of Ozzy Osbourne, you know, that bat-chomping…

Geezer Butler Says Ozzy’s Two-Week Post-Show Disappearance Was Totally Expected (Not!)
Breaking, Music News

Geezer Butler Says Ozzy’s Two-Week Post-Show Disappearance Was Totally Expected (Not!)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

Geezer Butler, the only reason BLACK SABBATH had any semblance of lyrical coherence (allegedly), has graced us with his profound…

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL
Breaking, Music News

OASIS DEDICATES SONG TO OZZY: IS THIS THE END OF ROCK N’ ROLL

Chord F. DiscordJuly 27, 2025July 27, 2025

So, like, OASIS – yeah, those guys who haven’t had a relevant song since your grandma’s dentures were new –…

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)
Breaking, Music News

Breaking News: Fans Confuse Bench for Grave, Declare Ozzy Dead (Again)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 26, 2025July 26, 2025

So, apparently, Ozzy Osbourne, the Prince of freaking Darkness (or was it the Court Jester of Darkness?), has finally kicked…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 27 28 29 … 36 Next

Latest posts

  • Democrats Somehow Still Underperforming Expectations
  • Blanche Drops Trump’s Petty Roadblock Because That’s What Adults Do
  • Biden Admin Ditches Trump’s Petty Parting Gift to AG Nominee
  • Pentagon Seeks Innovative Ways to Annoy Iran
  • US Stocks Up on Cheap Yen Like It’s Black Friday

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
August 2026
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Jul    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.