Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Advertisment Image
  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Events
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
  • Games News
  • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: heavy-metal

MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

MORTAL SIN, Australia’s… well, *a* thrash metal band, is apparently staggering back onto the stage in 2026. Yes, you read…

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! On Wednesday, July 23, the man, the myth, the legend (of getting kicked out of MEGADETH), David…

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom
Breaking, Music News

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Paramedics reportedly spent two hours treating Ozzy Osbourne before his inevitable demise on Tuesday, July 22. Two whole hours! 🕰️…

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back
Breaking, Movie News

‘Spinal Tap 2’: Prepare for a Sequel So Long-Awaited, It Might Just Break Your Back

FinnJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Behold! The geriatric rockers of Spinal Tap, back to assault your eardrums and your intelligence, louder (debatable) and older (definitely)…

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)
Breaking, Music News

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Behold, feeble humans! Your 👽alien overlords in GWAR, those pioneers of making music that sounds like a garbage truck falling…

WEDNESDAY 13 Proves Funerals Can Be a Blast With New “Rotting Away” Music Video
Breaking, Music News

WEDNESDAY 13 Proves Funerals Can Be a Blast With New “Rotting Away” Music Video

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Behold! During his totally epic “Summer Blood Storm” European tour (because blood storms are TOTALLY a thing, right? 🙄), Wednesday…

Amon Amarth’s New Song: More Like ‘We Drool, Then Puke, On The Waves’
Breaking, Music News

Amon Amarth’s New Song: More Like ‘We Drool, Then Puke, On The Waves’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 18, 2025July 18, 2025

So, these Swedish fellas, AMON AMARTH, bless their little Viking hearts, decided to grace us with their presence at Pine…

Bruce Dickinson Tries To Polish A Turd With ‘Reimagined’ ‘Cyclops’ From ‘More Balls Than Brains’ Album
Breaking, Music News

Bruce Dickinson Tries To Polish A Turd With ‘Reimagined’ ‘Cyclops’ From ‘More Balls Than Brains’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2025July 16, 2025

Behold, peasants! IRON MAIDEN’s very own air raid siren, Bruce Dickinson, is gracing us with a re-release of his 1994…

Amon Amarth to Drop New Ditty ‘We Rule the Waves’ on Hump Day, Prepare to Be Mildly Titillated
Breaking, Music News

Amon Amarth to Drop New Ditty ‘We Rule the Waves’ on Hump Day, Prepare to Be Mildly Titillated

Chord F. DiscordJuly 14, 2025July 14, 2025

So, the Vikings who can’t seem to find a new gimmick AMON AMARTH are gracing us with a single and…

Judas Priest Milks ‘Painkiller’ Anniversary in Poland, Because Originality is Overrated
Breaking, Music News

Judas Priest Milks ‘Painkiller’ Anniversary in Poland, Because Originality is Overrated

Chord F. DiscordJuly 12, 2025July 12, 2025

JUDAS PRIEST, those lovable dinosaurs of heavy metal, graced the Atlas Arena in Łódź, Poland on Monday, July 7. Fan-filmed…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 12 13 14 … 20 Next

Latest posts

  • ‘Power Ballad’ Review: Because You Clearly Didn’t Have Enough Cheesy Guitar Solos and Overly Dramatic Singing in Your Life Yet
  • Pope Leo’s AI nonsense sparks useless liberal feel-good chatfest apparently
  • ‘The Mandalorian And Grogu’ Slammed By Fans As Third-Best ‘Star Wars’ Film
  • Parents Help Graduate Sound Out The Words On Diploma
  • VOIVOD’s AWAY Loses Brain Cells Trying to Keep Up with Bunch of Fancy Music Nerds in Orchestra Nightmare Come to Life

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
May 2026
S M T W T F S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  
« Apr    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.
Manage Consent
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
Manage options Manage services Manage {vendor_count} vendors Read more about these purposes
View preferences
{title} {title} {title}