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John Bolton’s Hush-Hush Investigation: Yawn
Elephant Reads CNN

John Bolton’s Hush-Hush Investigation: Yawn

Big ElephantOctober 18, 2025October 18, 2025

Lock Him Up! Another Deep State Operative Bites the Dust Thanks to President Trump’s Tireless Fight Against the Swamp! That’s…

No Kings 2: Electric Boogaloo! CNN Serves Up Another Helping of Weekend Wah-Wah
Elephant Reads CNN

No Kings 2: Electric Boogaloo! CNN Serves Up Another Helping of Weekend Wah-Wah

Big ElephantOctober 17, 2025October 17, 2025

Here we go again, folks! The liberal snowflakes are planning another round of their “No Kings” protests because, apparently, they…

Silent Night, More Like Hilarious Fright: New Trailer for That Remake We Didn’t Ask For
Breaking, Movie News

Silent Night, More Like Hilarious Fright: New Trailer for That Remake We Didn’t Ask For

FinnOctober 17, 2025October 17, 2025

Oh, great, another “twisted reimagining”! 🙄 Because what the world REALLY needs is yet another unnecessary remake, this time of…

Ace Frehley’s Officially an Ancient Alien at 74
Breaking, Music News

Ace Frehley’s Officially an Ancient Alien at 74

Chord F. DiscordOctober 17, 2025October 17, 2025

Well, well, well, look what we have here, folks! 🎸 Our favorite Spaceman, Ace Frehley, has officially crash-landed on that…

Jacko’s Take: Ozzy’s Last Gig Was Basically a Pre-Death Party
Breaking, Music News

Jacko’s Take: Ozzy’s Last Gig Was Basically a Pre-Death Party

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

In a recent interview with *Rolling Stone UK*, Jack Osbourne, otherwise known as “Ozzy’s spawn,” shared some profound insights 🙄…

Ace Frehley’s Brain Explodes: Life Support Update
Breaking, Music News

Ace Frehley’s Brain Explodes: Life Support Update

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨: According to TMZ.com, the one and only, the *legendary* (air quotes, people) KISS guitarist Ace Frehley is currently…

Chicago Cop Gets the Boot (and Deported?!) by ICE!
Elephant Reads CNN

Chicago Cop Gets the Boot (and Deported?!) by ICE!

Big ElephantOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Another day, another illegal alien getting caught thanks to President Trump’s commitment to MAGA! This time, it’s a police officer…

OMG! Dem Moneybags vs Poor Lil’ Republicans: Senate Race Edition
Elephant Reads CNN

OMG! Dem Moneybags vs Poor Lil’ Republicans: Senate Race Edition

Big ElephantOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Oh, the horror! The radical socialist Democrats are raking in the dough, probably from George Soros and the Chinese Communist…

Guitar God JOHN NORUM, Still Alive, Still Signs Deal For Tenth Album No One Asked For
Breaking, Music News

Guitar God JOHN NORUM, Still Alive, Still Signs Deal For Tenth Album No One Asked For

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

🎸OMG! John Norum, the dude who shreds in EUROPE (you know, that band your mom likes), has signed with Frontiers…

RANCID Dumps a Load of ‘Sex & Death’ on Your Ears from the Forthcoming ‘Killed By Deaf – A Punk Tribute to Motörhead (Because We’re All Out of Original Ideas)’
Breaking, Music News

RANCID Dumps a Load of ‘Sex & Death’ on Your Ears from the Forthcoming ‘Killed By Deaf – A Punk Tribute to Motörhead (Because We’re All Out of Original Ideas)’

Chord F. DiscordOctober 16, 2025October 16, 2025

Alright, buckle up buttercups, because the official lyrics for RANCID’s absolutely groundbreaking, earth-shattering, Grammy-worthy cover of MOTÖRHEAD’s “Sex & Death”…

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  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Picnic Fest in History aka The Great Nosh NYC Picnic Festival 2026 Where Youll Definitely Eat Too Much Food
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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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