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Tag: New Year

New Year’s Eve Rooftop Bash: Come for the Harbor Views Stay for the Open Bar and Questionable Life Choices
Live

New Year’s Eve Rooftop Bash: Come for the Harbor Views Stay for the Open Bar and Questionable Life Choices

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 23, 2025

🍾 The Great Bottle Service Migration of 2025: Harbor Rooftop Declares War on Wallets, December 26th! 🎉💸 In a bold…

LA’s Afrobeats New Year’s Eve Bash: Where the Dance Moves Are as Official as Your Tax Forms
Live

LA’s Afrobeats New Year’s Eve Bash: Where the Dance Moves Are as Official as Your Tax Forms

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 20, 2025

🚨 ATTENTION HUMANS: AFRICAN DANCE MUSIC WILL INVINCIBLY DESCEND UPON LA LIKE A COOL AUNT AT A FAMILY REUNION 🚨…

The Joint Chiropractic- Parrish Opens and Immediately Cures All Your Back Problems and Your Existential Dread
Live

The Joint Chiropractic- Parrish Opens and Immediately Cures All Your Back Problems and Your Existential Dread

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 19, 2025

Welcome to The Joint Chiropractic Grand Opening! Get ready to pop your spine into the New Year at 8730 US-301…

Ring in 2025 at Texan Taco Bar’s West Loop Fiesta – Where the Tacos Are Spicy and the Crowds Are Even Spicier
Live

Ring in 2025 at Texan Taco Bar’s West Loop Fiesta – Where the Tacos Are Spicy and the Crowds Are Even Spicier

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 19, 2025

Attention party animals, drama kings, and those who definitely need a designated driver: The 2025 New Year’s Eve bash at…

Plans for Attack in New Orleans Thwarted Because Plot Twist Detected by Authorities | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Plans for Attack in New Orleans Thwarted Because Plot Twist Detected by Authorities | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Buckle up, folks! Another day, another radical leftist eco-terrorist trying to turn America into a real-life version of “Mad Max”…

Refuge New Year’s Eve w/ Sasha – because apparently we all need to rave our way into another year of existential dread
Live

Refuge New Year’s Eve w/ Sasha – because apparently we all need to rave our way into another year of existential dread

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 15, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: DJs still exist! 🎧 A Brooklyn basement will shake at midnight (probably) after paying $420 for “open bar”…

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

FBI Interrupts California New Year’s Eve Bash by Arresting Four Guys With Poor Fireworks Plans

Big ElephantDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

Leftist Eco-Terrorists Foiled in Bizarre New Year’s Eve Bomb Plot Because of Their Oppressive Signal App In another stunning victory…

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet
Breaking, Movie News

Stranger Things 5 – Volume 2 Trailer Drops and the Kids Haven’t Grown Up Yet

FinnDecember 15, 2025December 15, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The World Might End on Boxing Day, So Cancel Your Sales! 🚨 In a shocking turn of…

Live

New Year’s Resolutions Online Ceremony So Dull It’s Basically Performance Art

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 12, 2025

Get ready to spiritually manifest your dream year while still in pajama pants! This online shamanic ceremony promises to align…

Sippin’ Santas Pub Crawl: Jolly Drunks Spread Holiday Cheer One Shot at a Time
Live

Sippin’ Santas Pub Crawl: Jolly Drunks Spread Holiday Cheer One Shot at a Time

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 10, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Chandler’s Sippin’ Santas Pub Crawl™ is back to ruin your liver and your New Year’s resolutions! 🎅 On…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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