🍾 The Great Bottle Service Migration of 2025: Harbor Rooftop Declares War on Wallets, December 26th! 🎉💸
In a bold move to drain bank accounts faster than a crypto crash, the Harbor Rooftop will host its legendary New Year’s Eve Weekend Rooftop Party on Friday, December 26th. Yes, you read that right—December 26th. Because apparently, the actual New Year’s Eve was just too mainstream for this elite bottle service extravaganza.
For those brave souls willing to part with their life savings for a few hours of “VIP” treatment, here are the options:
🍾 2 Bottle Package – $550++: Two bottles, six people, a stand-up table. Perfect for those who want to feel like they’re in a music video but can’t afford the actual video.
🍾 3 Bottle Package – $825++: Three bottles, nine people, a seated table. Ideal for those who want to sit down while their money disappears.
🍾 4 Bottle Package – $1,100++: Four bottles, twelve people, seated VIP. For those who want to impress their friends with their ability to spend money on things they could buy at a liquor store for a fraction of the price.
👑 5 Bottle Package – $1,375++: Five bottles, fifteen people, seated VIP. The ultimate flex for those who want to prove they have more money than sense.
Remember, these prices don’t include tax and gratuity, because why make it easy on your wallet? And don’t forget, you need to be 21 or older with a valid ID to enter. Because nothing says “exclusive” like a bouncer checking your driver’s license.
For questions, text 718-285-2833. Because calling is so last decade. 📱✨
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
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