Attention party animals, drama kings, and those who definitely need a designated driver: The 2025 New Year’s Eve bash at the Museum of Science and Industry is back, and it’s bringing more glitter than your ex’s Instagram feed. This year’s theme is “Resolution? I Barely Know Her!” because we all know you’ll be back to your old habits by January 14th.
So, you want a table? Cool. We have tables. They come in sizes ranging from “intimate dinner for four” to “entire office party plus the grumpy IT guy.” But heads up: buying a table doesn’t magically grant you entrance to the party. You still need a ticket, just like everyone else. And if you think you can just show up with your entire extended family and crash the party, think again. Seating is not guaranteed for your entire entourage, so good luck squeezing Uncle Bob into that corner.
Now, about those “Premium” packages. Yes, they include premium spirits, craft beers, house wines, and fancy appetizers. No, they don’t include shots. Why? Because the venue cares about your safety, not because they want to save money on Jägerbombs. Also, please note: all sales are final. No refunds. No exceptions. If you change your mind, tough luck. Your resolution to be more spontaneous doesn’t apply here.
Chuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,” is a self-proclaimed sports expert who peaked athletically in middle school dodgeball.
Born in Halfcourt, Indiana, Chuck spent his formative years shouting unsolicited advice at professional athletes on TV, firmly believing that his couchside coaching was the key to their success.
Chuck B. Ballsy: because in the game of sports and sarcasm, he’s always the MVP. 🏀🎤
