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Tag: News

Ark: Survival Ascended’s Lost Colony Expansion Drops Nukes in the Dino Park, Grab Your Lizard BFF and Go
Breaking, Games News

Ark: Survival Ascended’s Lost Colony Expansion Drops Nukes in the Dino Park, Grab Your Lizard BFF and Go

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 19, 2025December 19, 2025

Survivalists, rejoice! Studio Wildcard has once again decided to bless us with a new expansion for Ark: Survival Ascended, the…

Courts Tell Trump-Backed Snoops to Try Again, Maybe With a Cookie Recipe
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Courts Tell Trump-Backed Snoops to Try Again, Maybe With a Cookie Recipe

Big ElephantDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Trump’s FOIA Fishing Expedition Flops: Judge Slams Door on America First Legal’s Judicial Stalker Scheme In a stunning twist that…

Trump’s New “Warrior Dividend” Means Soldiers Get Stock Options Instead of Showers
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump’s New “Warrior Dividend” Means Soldiers Get Stock Options Instead of Showers

Big ElephantDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

Trump’s “Warrior Dividend” Bonuses: A $1,776 Gift to Troops—Paid for with Their Own Housing Money! In a move that’s equal…

Jack Black and Paul Rudd Try to Out-Camp the Original Anaconda and Fail Spectacularly
Breaking, Movie News

Jack Black and Paul Rudd Try to Out-Camp the Original Anaconda and Fail Spectacularly

FinnDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

🚨BREAKING NEWS: Two middle-aged men have decided to rewrite film history by remaking a movie that was already a masterpiece…

Avengers: Doomsday Teaser Breakdown: Every Easter Egg You Missed (Because You Were Too Busy Arguing About the Teaser)
Breaking, Movie News

Avengers: Doomsday Teaser Breakdown: Every Easter Egg You Missed (Because You Were Too Busy Arguing About the Teaser)

FinnDecember 18, 2025December 18, 2025

🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Steve Rogers Is Still Alive, Apparently, and He Has a Baby Now (Probably) 🍼🇺🇸 That’s right, folks.…

JANE’S ADDICTION: ‘We Have Convened One Final Time To Scream Into The Void And Maybe Hug It Out’
Breaking, Music News

JANE’S ADDICTION: ‘We Have Convened One Final Time To Scream Into The Void And Maybe Hug It Out’

Chord F. DiscordDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

🎸 When the Rock ‘n’ Roll Circus Collapses on Itself: JANE’S ADDICTION Declares Peace Like a Reality Show Finale 🌈✌️…

Fact Check: Trump Spills More Fiction Than a Sci-Fi Convention in Prime-Time Speech
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fact Check: Trump Spills More Fiction Than a Sci-Fi Convention in Prime-Time Speech

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Trump’s Economic Miracle: Inflation Stopped, Gas Costs $2, and $18 Trillion Just Appeared Out of Nowhere President Donald Trump delivered…

Netflix Is Bringing FIFA Back as a Mobile Game Ahead of the 2026 World Cup
Breaking, Games News

Netflix Is Bringing FIFA Back as a Mobile Game Ahead of the 2026 World Cup

Pixel P. SnarkbyteDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

🎬 Hold onto your snack bowls, folks—Netflix just dropped a bombshell that’s about to turn your living room into a…

Rob and Michele Reiner’s Inner Circle Finally Spill the Tea on Hollywood’s Favorite Power Duo
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rob and Michele Reiner’s Inner Circle Finally Spill the Tea on Hollywood’s Favorite Power Duo

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Leftist Hollywood Loses Its Biggest Hypocrites: Rob & Michele Reiner Die in Mysterious “Accident” After Years of Attacking Conservatives Breaking:…

Plans for Attack in New Orleans Thwarted Because Plot Twist Detected by Authorities | CNN
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Plans for Attack in New Orleans Thwarted Because Plot Twist Detected by Authorities | CNN

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

Buckle up, folks! Another day, another radical leftist eco-terrorist trying to turn America into a real-life version of “Mad Max”…

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Latest posts

  • Get Ready for the Most Epic Traffic Jam of the Year at 2026 FuelFest Bay Area
  • Because Hackers Love Homework Too Let’s Strengthen K-12 Cybersecurity Already
  • Media Molecule’s Next Game Will Probably Be a Reboot of Knack with a Battle Royale Mode and a Subscription Service
  • Logitech Finally Creates Products That Won’t Give You Carpal Tunnel After 5 Minutes Of Use Maybe
  • MARK MORTON Still Shocked Nobody Has Copied LAMB OF GOD’s Unique Sound After Only 25 Years of Being Totally Original and Not At All Influenced by Anyone Else

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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