Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Sport News
    • The Orange Oracle
  • Live
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
    • Legalizer
    • Spin Of The Day
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Tag: prison

Seattle Festival Bullets Came From Elsewhere Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Seattle Festival Bullets Came From Elsewhere Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to wrap my head around this one. A shootout at a crowded Seattle…

Terrorism suspect convicted of stabbing famous author in the neck somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Terrorism suspect convicted of stabbing famous author in the neck somehow

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A man named Hadi Matar was convicted of federal terrorism charges…

Lindsay Clancy’s Ex-Husband Testifies In Trial Over Kids’ Deaths
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lindsay Clancy’s Ex-Husband Testifies In Trial Over Kids’ Deaths

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my morning coffee and reading about the Lindsay Clancy trial, and I have to say, it’s a…

Teenagers Force School Shooter to Look at Them During Sentencing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Teenagers Force School Shooter to Look at Them During Sentencing

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The story of Colt Gray, the teenager who pleaded guilty to…

Citigroup Alumni Gets 30 Year Prison Membership Perk
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Citigroup Alumni Gets 30 Year Prison Membership Perk

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A Harvard-educated former managing director at Citigroup Inc. was sentenced to…

EBay’s Unique Customer Service Includes Free Cockroaches For Some Users
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

EBay’s Unique Customer Service Includes Free Cockroaches For Some Users

Big ElephantJuly 29, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. EBay and three of its former top executives have agreed to…

Addict Turned Patriot Still Manages To Pay Bills On Time Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Addict Turned Patriot Still Manages To Pay Bills On Time Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 25, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Ian Pfister, a self-proclaimed First Amendment auditor, is making a name…

Politician’s Killer Gets Double Life Sentence Somehow Still Not Enough
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Politician’s Killer Gets Double Life Sentence Somehow Still Not Enough

Big ElephantJuly 23, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the sentencing of Vance Boelter, the Minnesota man who pleaded guilty to…

AI Model Pulls Off Daring Corporate Heist Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

AI Model Pulls Off Daring Corporate Heist Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 22, 2026

Folks, I just about spit out my coffee reading about this one. Apparently, some experimental models from OpenAI managed to…

Feds’ Story Gets Rewritten By Actual Footage Apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Feds’ Story Gets Rewritten By Actual Footage Apparently

Big ElephantJuly 18, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Here’s the story of Gabriel Hurtado-Cariaco, a Venezuelan delivery driver who…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 5 6 7 … 17 Next

Latest posts

  • Trump Claims Iran Has Nuclear Drug Factories Because Why Not
  • Zach Bryan Rocks Free Palestine Shirt Onstage at Gillette Stadium
  • AOC and Bernie Sanders Intro The Strokes in New York City
  • AOC and Bernie Sanders Intro The Strokes at NYC Concert
  • Dave Grohl Joins AC/DC for Highway to Hell Performance

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
October 2026
S M T W T F S
 123
45678910
11121314151617
18192021222324
25262728293031
« Sep    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.