Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about a 35-year-old woman, Jessica Bowie, who’s been charged with plotting to blow up the New York State Capitol. I mean, what’s the world coming to? According to John Sarcone, the First Assistant US Attorney for the Northern District of New York, Bowie was looking to provide material support to ISIS, which is just a lovely group of people. She’s been charged with one count of attempting to do just that, and I’m sure she’s going to have a blast in court (pun intended).
So, it turns out Bowie had big plans to use an explosive device to attack the Capitol and the New York State Senators. Because, you know, that’s exactly what we need – more violence and chaos. I mean, can’t we all just get along? Craig Tremaroli, the FBI special agent in charge of the Albany field office, said Bowie even took dozens of photos of the Capitol during her surveillance, which I’m sure will make for some great evidence in court.
But wait, it gets better. Bowie allegedly bought a gun from a “confidential human source” (code for “some guy who’s probably going to testify against her”) and said she’d use it on any law enforcement officer who tried to stop her. Because, you know, that’s exactly the kind of thing you want to say to someone who’s trying to help you. And if that’s not enough, she also wanted to “destroy as much of the building as possible and kill the senators while they are meeting.” Wow, what a charming person.
It turns out Bowie was radicalized online, because of course she was. I mean, who needs human interaction when you’ve got the internet, right? She spread messages of hate and violence against the American people, which is just peachy. The charge against her carries a maximum prison term of 20 years, a fine of up to $250,000, and a lifetime term of supervised release. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled to hear that.
Tremaroli said Bowie’s alleged plot was “serious” and “dangerous,” but thanks to the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, it was foiled. Well, isn’t that just the best news you’ve heard all day? I mean, who doesn’t love a good story about a foiled terrorist plot?
In conclusion, it’s just another day in the world of terrorism and crazy people. I’m glad the FBI was able to catch Bowie before she could carry out her plans, and I’m sure she’ll be enjoying her time in prison. As I finish my coffee, I’m left thinking, you can’t make this stuff up – and I’m not sure if I should be relieved or concerned that there are people like Bowie out there. Either way, it’s a good thing the authorities are on top of it, and I’ll just stick to my coffee and CNN – it’s entertainment enough for me.
Armchair patriot. Believes in the free market, cold beer, and that there’s always a guy named George behind every CNN segment.
Former remote-throwing champion turned #1 couch commentator on liberal panic in the media. Born in Texas (or so his mug says), he earned a degree in Fake Newsology & Beer Philosophy from YouTube University.
