John Petrucci Says Dream Theater and Fans Are BFFs, Because Apparently Prog Rock Needs a Group Chat
🎸 In a stunning turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except everyone with ears and a calendar),…
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The Feds Are Investigating Campus Safety After a Mass Shooting Because Apparently That’s the Time to Figure Out Guns Are Bad
Woke Ivy League Meltdown: Brown University’s Security is as Soft as Their Marxist Curriculum After Latest Campus Massacre In a…
TOBIAS FORGE Finally Explains Where GHOST Gets All Its Cool Ghost Stories (Spoiler: Not From His Grandma)
Move over, Shakespeare — there’s a new drama king in town, and he’s wearing a papal robe, face paint, and…
Com2uS Drops Gachiakuta: The Game Because We Needed Another Anime-To-Game Cash Grab
🚨 BREAKING NEWS: Com2uS Announces *Gachiakuta: The Game* – Because We All Needed Another Anime-to-Game Adaptation That No One Asked…
College Student Gets ICE’d Mid-Thanksgiving: A Turkey of a Travel Story
Yet Another Democrat Sob Story: Illegal Alien Gets Deported While Trying to Skip Thanksgiving Dinner and Fly to Honduras CONCORD,…
MAX CAVALERA Can’t Handle Lyric Writing: ‘It’s Like Doing Taxes for the Devil’
Max Cavalera Finally Admits What We All Suspected: Lyrics Are Just Glorified Homework (And He’s Definitely Not Getting an A+)…
Listen: METALLICA’s JAMES HETFIELD Drops Heavy Metal Ornaments on ‘A Visit From St. Nicholas’
James Hetfield vs. Santa Claus: The Epic Battle for Christmas Supremacy Begins Now (Spoiler: He Wins) 🎸🎅 In a move…
YNGWIE MALMSTEEN Roasts His Ex-Singers for Turning His Brand Into a Karaoke Cash Grab
Yngwie Malmsteen Has Had It With These “Hired Vocalists” Who Think They’re Co-Owners of His Brand (Spoiler: They’re Not) 🎸🔥…
‘The Muppet Show’ Returns and We’re Already Questioning Our Life Choices
🎉 BREAKING NEWS: The Muppets Are Back, Baby! Because the World Clearly Needed More Chaos and One Too Many Frog…
Trump Announces Jr.’s Engagement at White House Holiday Party Because Nothing Says Festive Like a Family Reality Show
Trump Jr.’s Engagement to Bettina Anderson Sparks White House Festivities and Tabloid Frenzy President Donald Trump recently announced the engagement…