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Events

Because You Clearly Have Nothing Better to Do Than Attend the PHirst Pham Cookout Official Afterparty

Chuck B. BallsyJune 5, 2026

FANTASY FRIDAYS 🎉 for music and dancing 🕺 Atlanta’s top DJs Light show & LED screens 🌟 Interactive themes Free…

TAYLOR MOMSEN Reveals The Shocking Truth About Why THE PRETTY RECKLESS Doesn’t Use Backing Tapes Or Click Tracks Live
Breaking, Music News

TAYLOR MOMSEN Reveals The Shocking Truth About Why THE PRETTY RECKLESS Doesn’t Use Backing Tapes Or Click Tracks Live

Chord F. DiscordJune 4, 2026June 4, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some epic news? 🤩 THE PRETTY RECKLESS frontwoman Taylor Momsen just spilled the…

Average Slayer Fan Reacting to Criticism 🔫
Videos

Average Slayer Fan Reacting to Criticism 🔫

Chuck B. BallsyJune 4, 2026

Slayer Haters Have 3 Seconds to Explain Themselves 😤 Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world…

WARRANT’s ERIK TURNER Totally Not Embarrassed That ‘Cherry Pie’ Is Now Associated with Horny College Kids Instead of Just Horny Old People
Breaking, Music News

WARRANT’s ERIK TURNER Totally Not Embarrassed That ‘Cherry Pie’ Is Now Associated with Horny College Kids Instead of Just Horny Old People

Chord F. DiscordJune 3, 2026June 3, 2026

Breaking news: WARRANT’s “Cherry Pie” is back and better than ever, and we’re not just saying that because we’re stuck…

Goregrind vocalists🤘 looking for inspiration:
Videos

Goregrind vocalists🤘 looking for inspiration:

Chuck B. BallsyJune 3, 2026

When You Need 12 New Goregrind Songs by Tomorrow! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world…

When You Get the Right Uber Driver 🤘
Videos

When You Get the Right Uber Driver 🤘

Chuck B. BallsyJune 3, 2026

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ "Great music. Great atmosphere. Would ride again." Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as…

Oh Boy Get Ready for Another Soul Sucking Mobile Game Pokémon Champions Is Finally Coming to Ruin Your Life on Android and iOS on June 17
Breaking, Games News

Oh Boy Get Ready for Another Soul Sucking Mobile Game Pokémon Champions Is Finally Coming to Ruin Your Life on Android and iOS on June 17

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJune 3, 2026June 3, 2026

The Pokémon franchise is finally gracing us with its regal presence on our mobile devices, because who needs personal space…

Liberal LA Mayor Bass wins, because Californians love failed leaders
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal LA Mayor Bass wins, because Californians love failed leaders

Big ElephantJune 3, 2026June 3, 2026

Oh joy, folks, it’s another day in the swamp that is Washington D.C., and our glorious President Donald Trump is…

Liberal elites worship self-controlling computers, how quaint and unAmerican
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Liberal elites worship self-controlling computers, how quaint and unAmerican

Big ElephantJune 3, 2026June 3, 2026

Oh joy, oh rapture, the fake news media is at it again, trying to spin their web of lies and…

Choose Life. Choose Concerts. Choose Bankruptcy!
Videos

Choose Life. Choose Concerts. Choose Bankruptcy!

Chuck B. BallsyJune 2, 2026

When You Scroll Down To The Fees 💸 Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as…

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Latest posts

  • Todd Howard Just Watched Blade and Suddenly Bethesda’s Next Vampire Game is Going to be Totally Not a Disaster and Definitely Not a Rehashed Mess with Glorious Glitches and a 500 GB Day One Patch
  • DRAGON BALL XENOVERSE 3 Hands-Off Preview – Because We Clearly Haven’t Milked This Franchise Enough Yet
  • Nation’s Dumpster Fires Distance Themselves From Boston Red Sox
  • AC/DC somehow still relevant enough to get pop-ups on 2026 tour
  • Iran loves LA’s hospitality what a surprise

Editorial
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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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