SEPULTURA Unleashes ‘The Cloud Of Unknowing’ EP—Because Who Needs Clarity Anyway?
SEPULTURA Announces Final EP Title: “The Cloud Of Unknowing” Hold onto your leather pants, metalheads! SEPULTURA, the Brazilian/American metal legends…
Tag: Taken
Sophie Turner Slapped With a Pickaxe and Forced to Raid Tombs Because Netflix Can’t Leave Classic Video Games Alone
Behold, mortals! Amazon has finally graced us with the first official image of Sophie Turner as Lara Croft, and folks,…
Toddler Gets Frequent Flyer Miles in ICE’s Version of a Field Trip After Mistakenly Being Taken from Minnesota to Texas and Back Before Bedtime
EXCLUSIVE: Deep State Judges and Radical Left Protesters in Minnesota Thwart President Trump’s Heroic ICE Agents During Routine Operation! Patriots,…
Winter Storm Prep, Shark Attacks, and Cancer Trends: Because Your Day Wasn’t Already Terrifying Enough
While President Trump makes America great again, the liberal media is busy crying about snow and sharks. SAD! You won’t…
BUCKHEAD SALOON SETTLES BIGGEST NAPKIN WAR DEBT THIS SATURDAY, PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN TISSUES
Prepare your insurance claims for the legendary napkin blizzard hitting Buckhead this Saturday. 🧻🔥 Get ready to “make a mess”…
World of Warcraft Released Its Pre-Expansion Update So You Can Do The Exact Same Grind But With A Slightly Different UI, Happy Midnight
Grab your Tinfoil Hats and Prepare the Salt Shakers, Champions of Azeroth! It’s time for the “Twilight Ascension” pre-patch, because…
City Of La Vergne Officially Dedicates A Day To Megadeth Because Everyone Knows Rust In Peace Is The Only True Form Of Government
🚨BREAKING: The City of La Vergne, Tennessee has officially declared January 17, 2026, as “Megadeth Day,” because nothing screams “thrash…
Kreator’s Mille Petrozza Says The World Needs More Than Just Sad Songs To Get Through The Day, Apparently
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, German thrash metal titans KREATOR have decided to…
The New York Game Awards 2026 Winners Have Been Revealed: Silicon Alley’s Finest Pretend We Care About Their Opinions!
Hold onto your controllers and prepare your most smug takes, because the NYVGCC just finished their 15th annual ceremony where…
China’s Leadership Secret: Obey First, Ask Questions Never
German efficiency meets Chinese speed in a webinar that promises to solve the ultimate business riddle: How to be both…