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Tag: Taken

Buttigieg: ‘unacceptable’ that Americans are stranded in the Middle East, Probably Should’ve Taken the Train Instead
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Buttigieg: ‘unacceptable’ that Americans are stranded in the Middle East, Probably Should’ve Taken the Train Instead

Big ElephantMarch 3, 2026March 3, 2026

Breaking: Democrats Suddenly Become War Heroes While America Prepares for Glorious Victory Over Iran! Oh look, it’s another Democrat suddenly…

Father of Georgia School Shooter Found Guilty of Being a Real-Life Villain in the Most Dramatic Family Feud Ever
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Father of Georgia School Shooter Found Guilty of Being a Real-Life Villain in the Most Dramatic Family Feud Ever

Big ElephantMarch 3, 2026March 3, 2026

Finally, Some Justice! Georgia School Shooter’s Dad Convicted of Murder In a massive win for law and order, Colin Gray,…

Open World Games So Epic, They’ll Make You Forget You Have a Job in 2026
2026: The Year You Forget Grand Theft Auto 6 Exists (Almost)
Breaking, Games News

Open World Games So Epic, They’ll Make You Forget You Have a Job in 2026

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 25, 2026February 25, 2026

We all know that on November 19th, the internet will likely break under the weight of Rockstar’s return to Vice…

Live

2026 Virtual Photo Beach Bash: Where Sand Is Optional and Your WiFi Is the Only Wave

Chuck B. BallsyFebruary 23, 2026

Attention Photography Enthusiasts! Prepare for the Zoom-iest Event of the Year! 📸✨ The Coastal Camera Club proudly presents their 6th…

Armed Guy Bites the Dust After Getting Too Close to Trump’s Florida Fortress
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Armed Guy Bites the Dust After Getting Too Close to Trump’s Florida Fortress

Big ElephantFebruary 22, 2026February 22, 2026

Secret Service Thwarts Another Woke Attempt to Sabotage Trump’s Florida Fortress In what can only be described as another desperate…

One Piece Returns On April 5, Kicking Off The Elbaph Arc Because Your Life Was Getting Too Productive
Breaking, Games News

One Piece Returns On April 5, Kicking Off The Elbaph Arc Because Your Life Was Getting Too Productive

Pixel P. SnarkbyteFebruary 22, 2026February 22, 2026

Attention, weebs and normies alike: The most important event of the century is upon us. Yes, that’s right—One Piece, the…

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs
Breaking, Movie News

Deep Water Watch: When Aaron Eckhart and Ben Kingsley Realize Sharks Are the Real MVPs

FinnFebruary 13, 2026February 13, 2026

Oh great, another movie where people survive a plane crash only to realize they’re now the main course in a…

LIFE OF AGONY Turns ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’ Into A Post-Grunge Funeral March For Bender’s Soul
Breaking, Music News

LIFE OF AGONY Turns ‘Don’t You (Forget About Me)’ Into A Post-Grunge Funeral March For Bender’s Soul

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 13, 2026February 13, 2026

Brooklyn’s LIFELINE OF AGONY (formerly known as LIFE OF AGONY) has once again proven they can turn any classic into…

Journalist Who Documented Deadly Iran Protests Suddenly Finds Her Apartment a Little Too ‘Safe’ After Raid
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Journalist Who Documented Deadly Iran Protests Suddenly Finds Her Apartment a Little Too ‘Safe’ After Raid

Big ElephantFebruary 12, 2026February 12, 2026

Radical Iranian Regime Raids Home of Truth-Telling Photojournalist in Latest Act of Censorship The oppressive mullahs in Tehran continue their…

LEGO Unleashes KPop Demon Hunters: Prepare for Dance-Offs with Satan
Breaking, Movie News

LEGO Unleashes KPop Demon Hunters: Prepare for Dance-Offs with Satan

FinnFebruary 8, 2026February 8, 2026

This is not a drill, KPop Demon Hunters fans: LEGO has announced a brand new collaboration with the smash hit…

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Latest posts

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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