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Tag: There Will

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Plastic Junk
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was More Plastic Junk

FinnSeptember 1, 2026September 1, 2026

Because what the world really needed was a mashup of a sponge who lives in a pineapple under the sea…

Times Square just got a little less stabby apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Times Square just got a little less stabby apparently

Big ElephantAugust 31, 2026August 31, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. A woman, Pamela Cisneros, walked into the heart of Times Square,…

Clutch blesses us with another song to play at our impending midlife crises
Breaking, Music News

Clutch blesses us with another song to play at our impending midlife crises

Chord F. DiscordAugust 28, 2026August 28, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some news that’s been a long time coming? 🤯 CLUTCH has finally released…

Because What the World Really Needs is Another Avengers Movie
Breaking, Movie News

Because What the World Really Needs is Another Avengers Movie

FinnAugust 27, 2026August 27, 2026

Marvel is re-releasing Avengers: Endgame in theaters next month, because apparently, the 22 times you’ve already seen it on Disney+…

Wealthy Foreigners Rejoice Over New H-1B Visa Price Tag
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Wealthy Foreigners Rejoice Over New H-1B Visa Price Tag

Big ElephantAugust 24, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the Trump administration’s latest move to add a $103,265 fee for H-1B…

Sports teams for sale to billionaires only apparently
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Sports teams for sale to billionaires only apparently

Big ElephantAugust 24, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading about the latest sports team sales. It seems like everyone and their uncle…

Duskbloods network test implodes in glorious server FAIL chaoslomou
Breaking, Games News

Duskbloods network test implodes in glorious server FAIL chaoslomou

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 21, 2026August 21, 2026

Well, that was a brilliant start – said no one ever. FromSoftware’s highly anticipated game, The Duskbloods, was supposed to…

Royals, Elton John Get Sued For Eight Figures, Totally Worth It
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Royals, Elton John Get Sued For Eight Figures, Totally Worth It

Big ElephantAugust 21, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Prince Harry and a bunch of other high-profile folks, including Elton…

More Sequels and Reboots to Drain Your Soul This Fall
Breaking, Movie News

More Sequels and Reboots to Drain Your Soul This Fall

FinnAugust 18, 2026August 18, 2026

As the summer movie season comes to a close, with its typical array of blockbuster hits and misses, the film…

Marvel greenlights another X-Men reboot because originality is overrated
Breaking, Movie News

Marvel greenlights another X-Men reboot because originality is overrated

FinnAugust 15, 2026August 16, 2026

After years of waiting, Marvel fans can finally breathe a sigh of relief as the studio has announced the cast…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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