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Trump Mulls Booting Pirro Over Reflecting Pool Fiasco Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Mulls Booting Pirro Over Reflecting Pool Fiasco Because Why Not

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about President Trump considering removing Jeanine Pirro, the US attorney for the District…

US Strikes Kill Totally Innocent People Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

US Strikes Kill Totally Innocent People Somehow

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

I’m sitting here with my coffee, reading about the US military’s strikes on alleged drug boats, and I have to…

Trump Org Accounts Closed Due To Totally Normal Banking Activity
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Org Accounts Closed Due To Totally Normal Banking Activity

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. So, it seems like Capital One closed hundreds of Trump Organization…

Tide yourself over with these shooters while Ready or Not 2 languishes
Breaking, Movie News

Tide yourself over with these shooters while Ready or Not 2 languishes

Pixel P. SnarkbyteAugust 3, 2026August 3, 2026

Get ready for a tactical treat, folks, because the Ready or Not brand is on fire in 2026. While moviegoers…

Government Suddenly Interested in AI Before It Takes Their Jobs
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Government Suddenly Interested in AI Before It Takes Their Jobs

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

The White House is meeting with top AI companies, including OpenAI, Anthropic, Google, and Meta, to discuss a new framework…

Another Spider-Man Movie Breaks Records Because Of Course It Does
Breaking, Movie News

Another Spider-Man Movie Breaks Records Because Of Course It Does

FinnAugust 3, 2026August 3, 2026

It’s clear that reports of Baz’s downfall were greatly exaggerated—to the surprise of nobody at all. ‘Spider-Man: Brand New Day’…

Because You Clearly Need More TV Shows to Binge Forever
Breaking, Movie News

Because You Clearly Need More TV Shows to Binge Forever

FinnAugust 3, 2026August 3, 2026

It’s that time of the week again, folks, where we dive headfirst into the latest TV shows and streaming series…

Iran War Turns AI Data Centers Into Super Vulnerable Targets Suddenly
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Iran War Turns AI Data Centers Into Super Vulnerable Targets Suddenly

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Iran is taking a unique approach to countering military might –…

Cori Bush Tries To Upgrade From Protester To Actual Congressman
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Cori Bush Tries To Upgrade From Protester To Actual Congressman

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. The drama unfolding in the Missouri 1st Congressional District primary is…

Texas Loses Trailblazing Republican Rep Kay Granger at 83
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Texas Loses Trailblazing Republican Rep Kay Granger at 83

Big ElephantAugust 3, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Kay Granger, the first Republican woman from Texas to be elected…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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