PHILADELPHIA—Admitting they had not expected the star forward to have such an immediate impact on the team, Philadelphia 76ers officials told reporters Monday they were taken aback by how quickly Jaylen Brown had converted nearly the entire roster to Islam. “Like, one day he’s going around introducing himself, and the next he’s got everybody on prayer rugs and Dean [Wade] is changing his locker nameplate to ‘Dean X’—really wasn’t expecting that,” said Sixers president of basketball operations Mike Gansey, adding that the team’s nutrition staff had to completely overhaul its operation to incorporate halal meals and that the equipment staff had to scramble to source custom kufis in Sixers colors for every player. “V.J. [Edgecombe] seemed like he was just waiting to be asked. He didn’t hesitate at all. And then once LeBron bought in, the rest of the dominoes fell pretty fast. He, Joel [Embiid], and Tyrese [Maxey] all dyed their beards orange. I even saw Jaylen cornering the mascot with a pamphlet. Definitely a different vibe this year.” Gansey then shrugged and said, “Trust the process, I guess,” as the entire roster left practice for afternoon prayers.
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Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
