WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is said to have awoken Friday from a beautiful dream about kissing an underage girl only to find himself being licked in the face by a St. Bernard. “Oh yeah, Vanessa, I love how slobbery your kisses are,” said the commander-in-chief, the last vestiges of the dream state in which he was making out with a 14-year-old model reportedly disappearing to be replaced by the reality of a large dog with its paws on his shoulders enthusiastically lapping at his face. “Mm, your long, brown hair is so soft and luxurious, and I can feel your hot breath on my neck. You’ve got to be one of the sexiest teenagers under 18 ever. Ooh, yeah!” At press time, sources confirmed Trump had had fallen asleep again only to be woken by a tail repeatedly whacking him in the face.
The post Trump Wakes From Beautiful Dream Kissing Underage Girl To Find Face Being Licked By St. Bernard appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is said to have awoken Friday from a beautiful dream about kissing an underage girl only to find himself being licked in the face by a St. Bernard. “Oh yeah, Vanessa, I love how slobbery your
The post Trump Wakes From Beautiful Dream Kissing Underage Girl To Find Face Being Licked By St. Bernard appeared first on The Onion. Read More
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
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