In a jaw-dropping announcement, Robert Smith, the 65-year-old legendary frontman of The Cure, revealed that he plans to retire in five years when he hits the big 7-0. While promoting the band’s upcoming album, Songs Of A Lost World, Smith said he’s finally ready to hang up his black eyeliner and gothic dreams. But don’t worry, folks — retirement won’t mean peace and quiet. Instead, he’s switching gears… to country music. Yes, you heard that right. 🎸🤠
«I’ve been dreaming about this for a long time, but my workload with The Cure has been getting in the way,» Smith said, wiping away a single, perfectly timed emo tear. Apparently, the same man who gave us Friday I’m in Love has also been secretly yearning to churn out one country album every single month after he turns 70. And because he’s Robert freaking Smith, he already has titles for five future masterpieces:
- «Tears in My Whiskey»;
- «Darkness in the Barn»;
- «Howlin’ at the Moon (and My Ex-Wife)»;
- «Country Nights, Gothic Fights»;
- «Yeehaw Apocalypse».
But wait, it gets better. Smith is enlisting the help of some surprising country collaborators. He plans to work with Chris Martin from Coldplay, Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, and Wes Scantlin from Puddle of Mudd. «By that time, all these guys will finally realize that they are not rockers, but amazing country singers,» Smith laughed, clearly trolling every rock fan in existence. Who’s ready for an emo-country takeover? Guess what, hipsters — it’s time to trade in your ripped jeans for cowboy boots! 🤘👢
