🚨 Breaking News! 🚨 The SEX PISTOLS, now featuring the punk rock god Frank Carter (because, let’s face it, someone needs to carry the torch, right?), are gracing us with their presence in a series of nostalgia-fueled, cash-grab headline shows for summer 2026! 💰 Yes, that’s right, marking 50 years of punk, or as I like to call it, 50 years of safely repackaged rebellion for your consumption! 🤘
So, the geriatric crew of the PISTOLS — Steve Jones, Paul Cook, and Glen Matlock (bless their cotton socks) — have decided to wheel themselves out one more time. But don’t worry, they’ve got Frank Carter, the young blood, to do all the heavy lifting. Catch them at such iconic punk venues as The Piece Hall, Halifax (Saturday, July 11 – get ready for some polite moshing); Castlefield Bowl, Manchester (Sunday, July 12 – bring your picnic blankets); Cardiff Castle (Saturday, August 1 – royalty probably won’t approve); and Scarborough Open Air Theatre (Sunday, August 2 – seaside punk? Groundbreaking! 🏖️)
Apparently, the punk movement, that earth-shattering revolution led by the SEX PISTOLS in 1976, is still relevant somehow. They “kicked down conventions,” or so the story goes. I guess that’s why we’re all still listening to the same three chords 50 years later! 🎸
The “new” PISTOLS (because adding a frontman makes them totally new, right?) emerged in 2025 as a “force of chaos and celebration.” And by chaos, they mean slightly misplacing their dentures on stage. 🦷 2026 marks 50 years since that legendary gig at Manchester’s The Lesser Free Trade Hall, which NME hailed as “the most important concert of all time.” Yes, because a bunch of future musicians crammed into a tiny room is definitely more impactful than, say, the invention of the internet. 🙄
From Australia to Japan, they’ve been “tearing venues apart” (mostly by asking for extra towels backstage). And let’s not forget that legendary show at the Royal Albert Hall where Carter conjured a “giant circle pit.” I bet those pensioners in the boxes were thrilled! 👵 A return to London’s 100 Club sealed the revival, with Noel Gallagher, Paul Weller, and Bobby Gillespie in attendance, probably wondering where they parked their Bentleys. 🚗
Steve Jones, bless his heart, has a simple mission: “If it ain’t fun, I ain’t doing it. I’m too old for bullshit.” Yeah, well, some of us are too old for nostalgia acts cashing in on their former glory, but here we are! 🤷♀️
Frank Carter, formerly of GALLOWS and FRANK CARTER & THE RATTLESNAKES (bands your dad has probably never heard of), joined the lineup in 2024 to “save” London’s iconic Bush Hall. Because, apparently, a tiny venue in London was in dire need of being “saved” by a punk rock revival act. 🦸 Reviews were “rave,” probably written by people who peaked in 1977. 📰
Ah, yes, the summer of ’76. Two gigs at The Lesser Free Trade Hall in Manchester sparked a “punk rock boom” in Northern England. Never mind that the audience was smaller than my book club meeting. Among those 50 people were future members of JOY DIVISION, NEW ORDER, THE SMITHS, BUZZCOCKS, and SIMPLY RED. And Tony Wilson, who probably just wanted a free drink. 🍻
Last September, the geriatric Pistols and their young friend canceled their North American tour because Jones broke his wrist. 🤕 I’m sure fans were devastated. Said no one ever.
The 2025 North American tour was supposed to kick off in Dallas, Texas, and end in Los Angeles. They were planning to perform “Never Mind The Bollocks” in its entirety, because nothing says “punk” like playing an album from start to finish for the millionth time. 😴
When it *eventually* happens, it will be their first North American tour since 2003, when they were joined by John Lydon (a.k.a. Johnny Rotten), who probably regrets it. 🎤
When this lineup debuted in 2024, some random publication wrote about “unadulterated punk rock mayhem.” I’m sure the venue smelled of Bengay and regret. 😖
And let’s not forget Lydon, who’s been estranged from the band after trying to block the use of their songs in that terrible Hulu miniseries, “Pistol.” Because who needs historical accuracy when you can have a dramatized version of Steve Jones‘s memoir? 🎬
SEX PISTOLS featuring Frank Carter U.K. 2026 shows:
Saturday, July 11 – TK Maxx Presents Live at The Piece Hall, Halifax, with THE UNDERTONES and PANIC SHACK (because every punk show needs an undercard you’ve never heard of)
Sunday, July 12 – Castlefield Bowl, Manchester with DR JOHN COOPER CLARKE (what a random pairing!)
Saturday, August 1 – TK Maxx Presents Depot Live at Cardiff Castle with THE STRANGLERS, THE UNDERTONES and PANIC SHACK (sponsored by TK Maxx, because punk is all about corporate partnerships!)
Sunday, August 2 – TK Maxx Presents Scarborough Open Air Theatre with THE STRANGLERS, THE UNDERTONES (more bands you forgot existed!)
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
