In a shocking revelation that has absolutely no one surprised, Suzi Quatro has announced she’s still got it at 75. That’s right, the rock ‘n’ roll legend who apparently discovered the fountain of youth is dropping a new album called “Freedom” on March 27, because apparently retirement is for people who don’t have cheekbones that refuse to age.
The album’s first single, appropriately titled “Freedom,” was chosen after it kept “smacking her in the face” during the mixing process. We’re not sure if this is a metaphor or if the track was literally assaulting her, but either way, she’s running with it. The album cover, which looks exactly like what she saw in her “vision,” features Quatro from behind with her bass, because nothing says “freedom” like a rock icon and her trusty instrument.
When asked about the inspiration behind “Freedom,” Quatro dropped some wisdom that we should all probably write down: “I’ve dropped my excess baggage. I don’t have anything to prove. I’m comfortable in my skin.” Translation: She’s too old to care what you think, and honestly, same.
The interviewer, clearly trying to get in her good graces, mentioned that Quatro still looks “about 35, 40.” To which she replied, “I’ve always looked 10 years younger than what I am, always my whole life.” So basically, she was 23 looking 13, and now she’s 75 looking 65. We’re not mathematicians, but that math checks out.
Quatro also revisited her famous retirement quote from when she was 35: “I will retire when I go on stage, shake my ass, and there is silence.” She’s since updated it to “When I turn my back on the audience and my ass shakes by itself, then I’ll stop.” Honestly, with the way she’s going, her ass might just outlive us all.
The album, produced by her son (because who else would put up with her?), features a duet with Alice Cooper on “Kick Out The Jams,” proving that Detroit really does breed the toughest rockers. The track listing includes gems like “Little Miss Lovely,” “Choose Yourself,” and “Womans’ Song” (yes, that’s how they spelled it, and no, we’re not going to correct them).
So there you have it, folks. Suzi Quatro is 75, looks 65, and is still shaking what her mama gave her on stage. And if her ass ever does stop shaking? Well, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, let’s all bask in the glory of “Freedom” and remember: age is just a number, but rock ‘n’ roll is forever. 🎸
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
