Political Profile: Natalie Harp

JT

      

White House aide Natalie Harp is drawing scrutiny from many political observers. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Harp and her background.

Education: Liberty University School of Blond Woman Business

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Job Title: Senior Girl to the President

Qualifications: Made a nice diorama of the Oval Office

Your Estranged Aunt’s Opinion Of Her: “She must be President Trump’s guardian angel. Look at her last name: Harp. That’s no coincidence.”

Special Skills: Fawning, kowtowing, exalting 

Greatest Strength: Doesn’t take up too much space in catering container

Dream Name: Natalie Trump

Access to Nuclear Codes: Fuck, probably

The post Political Profile: Natalie Harp appeared first on The Onion.

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Finn

Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.

Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.

Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.

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