Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom
Breaking, Music News

Report: Useless Medics Wasted Time on OZZY Before Inevitable Doom

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

Paramedics reportedly spent two hours treating Ozzy Osbourne before his inevitable demise on Tuesday, July 22. Two whole hours! 🕰️…

MACHINE HEAD Kicks Off Show with BLACK SABBATH Covers Honoring OZZY (Is This Real Life?)
Breaking, Music News

MACHINE HEAD Kicks Off Show with BLACK SABBATH Covers Honoring OZZY (Is This Real Life?)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

San Francisco Bay Area metallers MACHINE HEAD, bless their cotton socks, decided to honor Ozzy Osbourne by butchering two BLACK…

Coldplay Butchers ‘Changes’ in Bizarre Ozzy Osbourne Tribute, Fans Demand Refund
Breaking, Music News

Coldplay Butchers ‘Changes’ in Bizarre Ozzy Osbourne Tribute, Fans Demand Refund

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

LOL, as if anyone cares, COLDPLAY, those purveyors of beige boredom, “paid tribute” to Ozzy Osbourne by butchering BLACK SABBATH’s…

OMG! Lady Gaga Channels Her Inner Bat-Eating Rockstar: A Hilarious Tribute to Ozzy in San Fran
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Lady Gaga Channels Her Inner Bat-Eating Rockstar: A Hilarious Tribute to Ozzy in San Fran

Chord F. DiscordJuly 23, 2025July 23, 2025

Pop “superstar” Lady Gaga, bless her heart, decided to “honor” the Prince of Darkness, Ozzy Osbourne, at the grand finale…

OMG, Guitar Hero SLASH Teams Up With Universal Studios to Ruin Halloween for Everyone in 2025!
Breaking, Music News

OMG, Guitar Hero SLASH Teams Up With Universal Studios to Ruin Halloween for Everyone in 2025!

Chord F. DiscordJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

Universal Studios Hollywood, bless their cotton socks, has decided that the only way to stay relevant is by clinging to…

Deftones Announce 2025 Edition Of ‘Dia De Los Deftones’ Festival (aka the only day Deftones fans get sunlight)
Live, Music News

Deftones Announce 2025 Edition Of ‘Dia De Los Deftones’ Festival (aka the only day Deftones fans get sunlight)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

DEFTONES, the band that peaked in 2000 but refuses to accept it, have announced yet another installment of their vanity…

SEVENDUST Announces Fall 2025 U.S. Acoustic Tour (So You Can Finally Hear What They’re Mumbling)
Live, Music News

SEVENDUST Announces Fall 2025 U.S. Acoustic Tour (So You Can Finally Hear What They’re Mumbling)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 22, 2025July 22, 2025

OMG! 😱 Sevendust is apparently still a thing and celebrating the 21st anniversary of their *cough* “beloved” acoustic album “Southside…

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)
Breaking, Music News

GWAR’s 40th: Streaming From the Hellmouth (Because VEEPS Pays the Bills)

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Behold, feeble humans! Your 👽alien overlords in GWAR, those pioneers of making music that sounds like a garbage truck falling…

HATEBREED Drops New Banger ‘Make The Demons Obey’ After Half a Decade, Demons Tremble in Fear
Breaking, Music News

HATEBREED Drops New Banger ‘Make The Demons Obey’ After Half a Decade, Demons Tremble in Fear

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

Ah, HATEBREED, those stalwarts of Connecticut hardcore/metal (is there even a difference anymore?🤔), have finally graced us with new music…

GHOST: Apparently People Can’t Follow Simple Instructions, Film Band on Phones Anyway
Breaking, Music News

GHOST: Apparently People Can’t Follow Simple Instructions, Film Band on Phones Anyway

Chord F. DiscordJuly 21, 2025July 21, 2025

OMG 😱! Some dude filmed GHOST playing “Square Hammer” in Philly on July 19th. Like, who even uses phones anymore?…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 111 112 113 … 157 Next

Latest posts

  • Elon Musk’s Irreplaceability Somehow Not a Red Flag for Investors Yet
  • America Hates Everything Right Now Apparently Including Lake America
  • Tiger Woods swings by court for DUI plea tweak
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: DJT claims upper hand as Iran’s economy collapses slowly
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Trump winning Iran war with current strategy apparently

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.