Skip to content
https://jackal.today/

Jackal.Today satirical news site

Jackal.Today satirical news site

  • Home
  • Breaking
    • Live
    • Sport News
  • Spin the fake!
  • Elephant Reads CNN
  • The Orange Oracle
  • Videos
  • Movie News
  • Music News
    • Phil Anselmo Daily Grimaces
  • Games News
  • Jackal Research Division
  • Editorial
    • Advertise with us!
    • About Satirical Fake News Site Jackal.Today
    • Agreements and Personal data
    • Terms and Conditions
    • Opt-out preferences
    • Contact the editorial team
    • Authors

Author: Chord F. Discord

Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could "play the kazoo in four languages." Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chord’s first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competition—and won both categories. Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return
Breaking, Music News

MORTAL SIN Dusts Off Skeletons, Threatens 2026 Stage Return

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

MORTAL SIN, Australia’s… well, *a* thrash metal band, is apparently staggering back onto the stage in 2026. Yes, you read…

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently
Breaking, Music News

Ex-MEGADETH Bassist Ellefson Thinks OZZY Is The New King, Apparently

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh, the drama! On Wednesday, July 23, the man, the myth, the legend (of getting kicked out of MEGADETH), David…

DON BROCO Sells Their Souls to FEARLESS RECORDS, Unleashes Ear-Bleeding ‘Cellophane’
Breaking, Music News

DON BROCO Sells Their Souls to FEARLESS RECORDS, Unleashes Ear-Bleeding ‘Cellophane’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

U.K. rock… juggernauts? 🤣 More like slightly above-average-sized pebbles, DON BROCO, bless their hearts, are apparently “charging” (read: slowly waddling)…

FROM ASHES TO NEW Coughs Up Generic Single ‘New Disease’
Breaking, Music News

FROM ASHES TO NEW Coughs Up Generic Single ‘New Disease’

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Ah, FROM ASHES TO NEW, those purveyors of… something or other, are back with a track so profound, so earth-shattering,…

HELLOWEEN Drops ‘Universe (Gravity For Hearts)’ – Because Apparently Pumpkins in Space Aren’t Weird Enough on ‘Giants & Monsters’ Album
Breaking, Music News

HELLOWEEN Drops ‘Universe (Gravity For Hearts)’ – Because Apparently Pumpkins in Space Aren’t Weird Enough on ‘Giants & Monsters’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh great, the geriatric metalheads HELLOWEEN are back to grace us with their presence (and another album we totally asked…

Three Days of Torture Grace Releases New Single ‘Kill Me Quickly Please’ From Forthcoming ‘I Promise It’s Not About Aliens’ Album
Breaking, Music News

Three Days of Torture Grace Releases New Single ‘Kill Me Quickly Please’ From Forthcoming ‘I Promise It’s Not About Aliens’ Album

Chord F. DiscordJuly 25, 2025July 25, 2025

Oh. My. Gawd. 🙄 Look what we have here, folks! It’s THREE DAYS GRACE, back at it again, releasing “Kill…

Watch GHOST’s ‘Lachryma’ Performance on Fallon: Prepare for Ritualistic Rock and Potential Summoning of Demons
Breaking, Music News

Watch GHOST’s ‘Lachryma’ Performance on Fallon: Prepare for Ritualistic Rock and Potential Summoning of Demons

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

GHOST, the Swedish rock band that some people seem to like (for reasons I cannot fathom), graced the stage of…

Witness the Utter Carnage: The Offspring Butcher Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’ in Appalling Tribute
Breaking, Music News

Witness the Utter Carnage: The Offspring Butcher Ozzy’s ‘Crazy Train’ in Appalling Tribute

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

California pop-punk has-beens THE OFFSPRING, desperate for attention as always, decided the best way to stay relevant was to butcher…

Roger Glover of Deep Purple ADMITS He Didn’t Bother Listening To Black Sabbath Much Because Doom Is A Buzzkill For Him
Breaking, Music News

Roger Glover of Deep Purple ADMITS He Didn’t Bother Listening To Black Sabbath Much Because Doom Is A Buzzkill For Him

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

In a recent, earth-shattering 🤯 interview with Barry Robinson of Classic Album Review (because, you know, we *really* needed his…

DEATH to Sanity: A Fall 2025 North American Tour Celebrating DEATH’s Albums That Will Make You Question Your Life Choices
Breaking, Games News

DEATH to Sanity: A Fall 2025 North American Tour Celebrating DEATH’s Albums That Will Make You Question Your Life Choices

Chord F. DiscordJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

DEATH TO ALL, the tribute act for the late, great (allegedly) Chuck Schuldiner and his (arguably) pioneering band DEATH, is…

Posts pagination

Previous 1 … 110 111 112 … 157 Next

Latest posts

  • Trump’s Mail Ballot Demands Exceed Available Sanity And Resources Apparently
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: Donald J Trump nominates Hung Cao as next Navy Secretary
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE Donald J Trump touts G20 meeting success in Asheville North Carolina
  • ORANGE ORACLE UPDATE: DJT claims total control of Hormuz Strait as Iran economy collapses
  • THE ORACLE SPEAKS Trump winning Iran war stay the course

Editorial
Ads cut
Advertise with us

Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
September 2026
S M T W T F S
 12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930  
« Aug    
Copyright © 2026 Jackal.Today satirical news site | Spotlight News by Ascendoor | Powered by WordPress.