OMG! ðą Can you believe it?! ðĪŠ The infamous LOSTPROPHETS dude, Ian Watkins, finally bit the dust! ð Seems like karma’s a real b*tch, huh? ð After serving a measly 29 years for being a total creep ðĪĄ with kids, someone decided to give him a permanent timeout. ðŠ Talk about a plot twist! ðĪĢ
So, get this… Rashid Gedel, 25, and Samuel Dodsworth, 43, (talk about an odd couple ðĻââĪïļâðâðĻ) showed up in court looking all innocent. ð Yeah, right! Judge Dunne must’ve been rolling her eyes so hard. ð
They’re chilling in custody now. ðĨķ I bet prison food tastes extra bland knowing they’re gonna be facing the music ðķ in Leeds crown court. Maybe they can start a band ðļ in jail! ðĪĢ
Apparently, our 48-year-old “rockstar” ðĪ had his throat turned into a slip-n-slide ðĶ at HMP Wakefield. Guess they unlocked the cells and chaos ensued! ðĨ Wonder if anyone yelled, “For the children!” before going all stabby-stab. ðŠ
West Yorkshire police released a statement sounding all official and stuff. ðŪââïļ They’re like, “Yeah, we charged these two dudes with murder. It was a real bummer, man.” ðĨš Not! ð
“Ian Watkins, 48, was pronounced dead after being seriously assaulted at HMP Wakefield on Saturday morning (11 October).” ðī Like we didn’t know that already! ð Thanks for the play-by-play, officers! ð
“Rashid Gedel, 25, and Samuel Dodsworth, 43, both of HMP Wakefield have both been charged with murder.” ðĩïļââïļ Groundbreaking stuff, guys. You deserve a donut. ðĐ
Word on the street (or should I say, in the cellblock ð§ą) is that they slashed his jugular. ðĐļ Ouch! ðĪ Looks like someone skipped their first aid class. ð Ian died from blood loss, which is way more metal than any LOSTPROPHETS song. ðĪ
Some “source” ðĪŦ told The Sun that Ian got “shanked” in the neck. ðŠ Guards were “nearby” ðĶš but couldn’t save him. Probably too busy checking their TikTok. ðĪģ Horrific scene, blood everywhere… ðą Sounds like a Tarantino movie! ðŽ They locked down the prison, but honestly, the party ð was already over. ð
Ian‘s ex, Joanne Mjadzelics, spilled the tea ðĩ to the Daily Mail. She’s all like, “This is a shock, but not really. ðĪ·ââïļ I knew it was coming. I was scared he’d escape and stalk me, so this is a relief.” ð Girl, same! ðŊââïļ
Mjadzelics, poor thing, had PTSD and self-harming issues ð because of her relationship with Watkins. She’s basically saying, “I wanted him dead! â ïļ Weight lifted! ðïļââïļ” Can’t say I blame her. ð
“This is the second time someone has slashed his throat,” she adds. ðĨ “I expected it to have happened earlier. He’s been in there for almost 13 years.” ð Sounds like someone should’ve invested in a better neck brace. ðĪ
Oh, yeah! Remember that time Watkins got stabbed in 2023? ðïļ He only suffered “non life-threatening injuries.” ðĐđ What a buzzkill! ð Three inmates held him hostage for six hours, but the guards saved him. ðĶļââïļ Guess they were saving the real show for later. ðŋ
Back in 2013, Watkins got convicted of 13 child sex offenses. ðĪĄ All thanks to a drug investigation! ð Whoops! ð
Turns out, when they arrested Watkins in 2012 for drugs, ðŪââïļ they found “overwhelming evidence that he was a pedophile” on his computer. ðŧ At least 90 indecent photos of kids ages 2 to 14! ðļ Seriously, dude? ðĪĶââïļ
Six people came forward against Watkins before he was finally locked up for 35 years. âïļ Justice! âïļ
Watkins admitted to attempted rape and sexual assault of a child, ðķ but denied rape. ð ââïļ He also admitted to conspiring to rape a child, three counts of sexual assault, seven counts of possessing indecent images, and one count of bestiality porn. ðī What a resume! ð
At first, Ian claimed he was being stalked by a “crazed fan” ðĪŠ and that other people had access to his computers. Blame game strong! ðŠ
Watkins‘s LOSTPROPHETS bandmates ditched him in 2013. ðââïļ They formed a new band called NO DEVOTION. ð Talk about a rebrand! ð
LOSTPROPHETS formed in 1997 and sold 3.5 million albums. ðŋ They had a No. 1 hit in 2004 with “Last Train Home.” ð Now it’s the “Last Train to Hell!” ðĨ
In August 2019, Watkins got caught with a mobile phone in prison. ðą He hid it in his cell at HMP Wakefield. ðĪĄ
He allegedly used the phone to contact a woman he used to date. ð And then, get this, he hid the phone… where the sun don’t shine! ð
Watkins claimed he hid the phone because he was threatened by two inmates. ðŋ But he wouldn’t name them. ðĪŦ Snitch! ð
Watkins said his fellow inmates were “murderers and handy.” ðŠ Real charming bunch. ðđ”You would not want to mess with them,” he added. Too late, buddy! ð
Chord F. Discord, the Beethoven of Buffoonery, is a self-taught expert in music who once claimed he could “play the kazoo in four languages.”
Born in Crescendo, Indiana, Chordâs first brush with fame came when he accidentally entered a yodeling contest thinking it was a pie-eating competitionâand won both categories.
Chord F. Discord: proving that laughter, much like a poorly tuned ukulele, is truly universal.
