To Save Time, CNN Will Now Run Retractions Simultaneously With News Stories
ATLANTA, GA — As part of the channel’s ongoing quest to ensure accurate media reporting, CNN has elected to…
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Spikes and Reprieves: The Hilariously Unpredictable Rollercoaster of Gas Prices Across the U.S. – Buckle Up, It’s a Wild Ride!
Oh, great! The Democrats’ energy policies are working so well that we’re now begging for advice from Obama’s energy czars.…
Strike Sneaks Up on Al Quds Day March in Iran: Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Protest
Breaking: Trump’s Lasers Zap Tehran as Al Quds Day Rally Gets Roasted In a shocking turn of events that’s sure…
Pentagon Confirms 6 Crew Members Met Their Fate in Iraq Plane Crash, Because Flying Over a War Zone is Always a Great Idea
Breaking: Another “Accident” or Iranian Sabotage? Biden’s Weakness Gets Americans Killed Again In what the Pentagon is calling a “tragic…
I don’t think any amount of money could make me do this job
"This is easy money bro. These are just roaches. We grew up with them"
The Onion’s 2026 Oscars Best Picture Guide
The 98th Academy Awards will take place March 15 at the Dolby Theater. The Onion examines the 10 contenders…
Iran’s new leader, a daring bridge, reframing your daily walk: Catch up on the day’s stories — because who doesn’t love a good bridge and a fresh perspective on walking?
Good evening, patriots! It’s time for 5 Things PM, where we cut through the liberal media’s fake news to bring…
Trump 1.0 Crashed the Cuba Party: Diplomats Mourn the Good Times They Had
Deep State Diplomats Cry Like Babies as Trump Fixes Obama’s Cuba Mess Another swamp creature crawled out from under a…
Buzzfeed’s Latest Concern: Can It Even Afford Another “Which Disney Princess Are You?” Quiz?
Well, well, well… look who’s finally running out of clicks to count! BuzzFeed, the once-mighty kingdom of “Which Disney Princess…
Jew Converts To Christianity After Internet Commenter Says, ‘Christ Is King, You Filthy Money-Grubbing Jew’
NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed…