Track & Field Runner Accidentally Trips, Punches, Attacks Rival With A Sword
LYNCHBURG, VA — This week’s championship 4×200-meter relay event ended in disaster when a runner accidentally, tripped, punched, and attacked…
Category: Babylon Bee
Man Leading Bible Study Taken Up Into Heaven After Dropping Greek Word
BLUE SPRINGS, MO — Members of a church small group were witness to a miraculous event this week, as a…
Man Rents Steamroller To Squeeze One Last Usable Amount Of Toothpaste From Tube
SEWARD, NE — A local man set an impressive new standard for frugality this week by renting a professional-grade steamroller…
Checkmate: Trump Hits Canada With Tariff Of Double Infinity Plus One
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Canada is reeling after Trump upped the ante in the trade war by slapping America’s northern neighbor…
Life Hack: Volunteer For Parking Lot Ministry And You’ll Never Have To Hear Another Sermon For The Rest Of Your Days
Check out this sweet life hack, my church brethren! Or… should I say “faith hack?” Yes, it’s true. If you…
NBA To Allow LeBron James To Play In Giant Hamster Ball So Other Players Can’t Touch Him
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unprecedented move intended to protect one of the league’s most valuable commodities, the NBA…
Liberals Defeat Nazis By Painting Swastikas Everywhere And Torching Immigrant Businesses
WORLD — Liberals across the world have defeated Naziism by painting swastikas on everything and setting fire to immigrant-owned storefronts.…
Man Longs For Simpler Time When Games Were 2D And You Could Never Get Past The First Level
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, CA — Local middle-aged man Dustin Sidewood was seen gazing out a window thoughtfully, longing for a time…
FDA Recommends 6-11 Servings Of Microplastics Every Day For Growing Children
SILVER SPRING, MD — In an attempt to comply with new policies being implemented by Health and Human Services Secretary…
16 Investments Doing Better Than The Current Stock Market
With the stock market taking it on the chin these days, Americans are wondering if there are other places they…