In Flames at Mystic Festival, Gdansk, Poland (06/05/2025)
Swedish melodic death metal! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan of Snark,”…
Day: June 5, 2025
Virus Escapes Lab In Japan Causing Millions Of Americans To Call In Sick To Work
KYOTO, JAPAN — According to sources, a secret lab located in the Kyoto Prefecture of Japan reportedly leaked a devastating…
BUSH Drops New Single ‘The Land Of What Now?’ From Upcoming Album ‘I Beat…My Meat’
Grammy-nominated (but did they win? 🤔), multi-platinum (back when people actually bought CDs 💿) rock band BUSH (still around? 👴)…
Gene Simmons Says The Beatles Are Better Than Your Dead Relatives’ Music Taste
Alright, buckle up, buttercups! 🤘 Your favorite fire-breathing, money-hoarding demon 👹, Gene Simmons, has once again graced us with his…
As I Lay Dying in Russia! 🇷🇺💀 The Fall of Tim Lambesis Explained 🤡
Once a metalcore star, now a walking PR disaster, Lambesis is launching a one-man nostalgia tour in Russia (and several…
Elon Musk to Save Marvel’s $100M Flop — “Thunderbolts” Gets DOGE’d
🎬 Marvel’s “Thunderbolts” is officially the cinematic equivalent of soy milk: overhyped, overfunded, and underwhelming. Despite glowing reviews from critics…
Metallica in Charlotte, NC (05/31/2025)
America's #1 Heavy Metal from Los Angeles! Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The…
Nintendo Switch 2 Launch: Staple-gate – When Packaging Attacks
Ah, the Nintendo Switch 2 is here! And by “here,” we mean arriving with a complimentary screen piercing, courtesy of…
Miley Cyrus’s ‘Endless Summer Vacation’ Promo: More Like ‘Endless Summer Rejection’
Miley Cyrus, bless her heart 🙄, has always been one to forge her own lane in the music industry, mostly…
The Needled and the Damaged Son
Read MoreThe OnionThe post The Needled and the Damaged Son appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…