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Category: Breaking

Kim Thayil bravely finishes Soundgarden album without actually having Chris Cornell
Breaking, Music News

Kim Thayil bravely finishes Soundgarden album without actually having Chris Cornell

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Oh boy, are you guys ready for some drama? 😱 Because I’ve got a whole lot of it to dish…

Maine Democrats Get Another Chance to Argue Over Nothing
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Maine Democrats Get Another Chance to Argue Over Nothing

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the Maine Democrats’ scramble to find a new nominee for the US…

Underwhelming Retail Sales Still Manage To Exist Somehow
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Underwhelming Retail Sales Still Manage To Exist Somehow

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest retail sales numbers, and let me tell you, it’s a…

Trump Fires Guy Already Doing His Job Better
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Fires Guy Already Doing His Job Better

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Folks, I’m sipping my coffee and trying to wrap my head around this one. President Donald Trump fired the new…

Trump Conveniently Promotes Stocks He Just Happens To Own
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Conveniently Promotes Stocks He Just Happens To Own

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. It seems President Donald Trump has been quite the busy bee…

Another Remake Of The Odyssey Because Hollywood Ran Out Of Ideas
Breaking, Movie News

Another Remake Of The Odyssey Because Hollywood Ran Out Of Ideas

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey is coming to theaters, and with it, a plethora of formats to choose from. Because, you…

Phil Collins still not retiring after 45 years of Face Value
Breaking, Music News

Phil Collins still not retiring after 45 years of Face Value

Chord F. DiscordJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

Well, folks, it’s time to break out the party hats and noise-makers, because Phil Collins is celebrating 45 years of…

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Hospital Tries To Fix Humans With Code Because That’s Going Well

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest developments at the Mayo Clinic, where they’re using AI to help…

Rubio summons global squad to discuss those pesky lefties
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Rubio summons global squad to discuss those pesky lefties

Big ElephantJuly 16, 2026

Oh boy, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Secretary of State Marco Rubio is convening diplomats from…

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing
Breaking, Movie News

Because What The World Really Needed Was Another Rocky Thing

FinnJuly 16, 2026July 16, 2026

The Rocky saga appears to have finally come to an end, or so we thought. With Sylvester Stallone now 80…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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