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Category: Breaking

Missing person case becomes conveniently timed video game plot twist somehow
Breaking, Games News

Missing person case becomes conveniently timed video game plot twist somehow

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Oh joy, another investigative game to add to the never-ending pile of “find the missing person” titles, because apparently, we…

Trump Asks Supreme Court For Mulligan Because Why Not
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Trump Asks Supreme Court For Mulligan Because Why Not

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. President Trump is at it again, trying to get the Supreme…

Because We Needed Another Apex Legends Crossover Obviously
Breaking, Games News

Because We Needed Another Apex Legends Crossover Obviously

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Because apparently we haven’t milked this franchise enough yet, EA and Respawn Entertainment are teaming up with CD PROJEKT RED…

Jon Bon Jovi sells soul to tech bros for MSG hologram cash grab
Breaking, Music News

Jon Bon Jovi sells soul to tech bros for MSG hologram cash grab

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Because what the world really needed was a hologram of Jon Bon Jovi, Superfan.Live has debuted the Jon Bon Jovi…

Nick Barker Gets Mysterious Disease Because His Music Wasnt Aggressive Enough
Breaking, Music News

Nick Barker Gets Mysterious Disease Because His Music Wasnt Aggressive Enough

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

I just spilled my beer all over my favorite black metal t-shirt, and it’s not even like I’m surprised. I…

Because You Clearly Need Another Classic Pop Fix Now
Breaking, Music News

Because You Clearly Need Another Classic Pop Fix Now

Chord F. DiscordJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

In the latest issue of Classic Pop, it’s like the music industry is throwing a big ol’ party and everyone’s…

Dune Part 3 Trailer Leaks and Fans are Totally Not Freaking Out About the 12 Minute Long Shot of Paul Atreides Looking Moody in the Desert
Breaking, Movie News

Dune Part 3 Trailer Leaks and Fans are Totally Not Freaking Out About the 12 Minute Long Shot of Paul Atreides Looking Moody in the Desert

FinnJuly 9, 2026July 9, 2026

Because we’re about to dive into the most epic conclusion to a trilogy ever – Dune: Part Three! 🎥👑 I…

Canoeist David Hearn Denies Messing Up Pool Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Canoeist David Hearn Denies Messing Up Pool Again

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

Folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Former Olympic canoeist David Hearn pleaded not guilty in Washington, DC,…

Memphis Task Force on Roll with Another Successful Citizen Interaction
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Memphis Task Force on Roll with Another Successful Citizen Interaction

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

So, I’m sipping my coffee and reading about the latest news from Memphis, and I come across this story about…

Lesley Groff Apparently Forgets Everything Important Again
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Lesley Groff Apparently Forgets Everything Important Again

Big ElephantJuly 9, 2026

Well, folks, I almost spilled my coffee reading this one. Lesley Groff, Jeffrey Epstein’s longtime assistant, told Congress that she…

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  • THE ORACLE SPEAKS Donald Trump posts on Truth Social on given date

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Finn October 8, 2024
Editorial
Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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