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Category: Breaking

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two
Breaking, Music News

Winds of Change? More Like Winds of “We Need the Money,” Plus Maybe Some New Noise and a Giggle or Two

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

WINDS OF PLAGUE, those symphonic deathcore… things… that you probably forgot existed, decided to grace us with their presence at…

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL
Breaking, Games News

Heart Machine Axes Staff, Hyper Light Breaker’s Fate Hangs by a Thread LOL

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

Oh, look, another indie darling bites the dust! 😭 Heart Machine, those guys who made Hyper Light Drifter (you know,…

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs
Breaking, Music News

OMG! Remember After Forever? Mark Jansen’s Old Band (Pre-Epica, LOL) Reunites for Some 25th-Anniversary Gigs

Chord F. DiscordOctober 9, 2025October 9, 2025

So, Mark Jansen’s band before the one everyone actually cares about, AFTER FOREVER, decided to dust off their instruments and…

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu
Breaking

GENE SIMMONS ‘Recovering At Home’ After Totaling His Ego (and Maybe His Car) in Malibu

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

According to NBC4 Los Angeles, KISS bassist/vocalist Gene Simmons, the Demon himself (or maybe just a confused grandpa?), is “recovering…

Oh No! Another Happy Haunting Gone Horribly Wrong
Breaking

Oh No! Another Happy Haunting Gone Horribly Wrong

FinnOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

OMG! 😱 A woman DIED 💀 on the Haunted Mansion?! Like, seriously? Did she not read the fine print about…

Rush’s “Fifty Something” Tour Extends Its Lifespan Because Apparently People Still Listen To That
Breaking, Music News

Rush’s “Fifty Something” Tour Extends Its Lifespan Because Apparently People Still Listen To That

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame (because apparently that still matters?) inductees, Grammy Award-nominated (for what, exactly?) icons, and RUSH…

Genshin Impact Nefer Materials Guide: Or How to Waste Your Life Grinding for a JPEG
Breaking, Games News

Genshin Impact Nefer Materials Guide: Or How to Waste Your Life Grinding for a JPEG

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Alright, buckle up, buttercups! 🌸 Nefer’s dropped, and you’re all scrambling to build her. Guess what? You’re gonna fail miserably.…

The Smashing Pumpkins and Erewhon Team Up to make a $22 Smoothie for Terminally Online Goths
Breaking, Music News

The Smashing Pumpkins and Erewhon Team Up to make a $22 Smoothie for Terminally Online Goths

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

OMG! 🤣 THE SMASHING PUMPKINS, those elder statesmen of mope rock, have apparently crawled out of their crypt just in…

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Finally Sells Enough Copies to Pay for Someone’s Coffee
Breaking, Games News

Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 Finally Sells Enough Copies to Pay for Someone’s Coffee

Pixel P. SnarkbyteOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

Oh my freaking god, hold the phone 📱! Apparently, *Clair Obscur: Expedition 33* – you know, that game nobody actually…

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama
Breaking, Music News

As I Lay Dying or As I Lay Crying? New Lineup, New Single, Same Old Drama

Chord F. DiscordOctober 8, 2025October 8, 2025

HAHA! 🤣 Metalcore “mainstays” AS I LAY DYING, the band that makes more comebacks than a boomerang on steroids, is…

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Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
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Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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