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Category: The Onion

Trump Gives Russia 10-Day Deadline To End Ukraine
The Onion

Trump Gives Russia 10-Day Deadline To End Ukraine

FinnJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionEDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Shortening the 50-day deadline he had previously given Vladimir Putin to put a stop to the war-torn…

The Onion

Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom Awkwardly Pretend Not To See Each Other While Out Naked Paddleboarding

FinnJuly 28, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionCAGLIARI, ITALY—Groaning as they both realized the other unclothed person on the water was indeed their ex, Katy…

Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error
The Onion

Tinder Update Classifies Female Age Input Over 35 As System Error

FinnJuly 28, 2025July 28, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionWEST HOLLYWOOD, CA—Causing widespread frustration among women who dared to search for love in middle adulthood, an update…

Hulk Hogan Dead At 71
The Onion

Hulk Hogan Dead At 71

FinnJuly 26, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionHulk Hogan, who used his bombastic showmanship to transform professional wrestling and take the sport mainstream, died in…

FDA Drug Approval AI Generates Fake Studies
The Onion

FDA Drug Approval AI Generates Fake Studies

FinnJuly 25, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionThe FDA’s new AI designed to speed up drug approvals has been found to fabricate studies and misrepresent…

Most Anticipated Celebrity Memoirs Of 2025
The Onion

Most Anticipated Celebrity Memoirs Of 2025

FinnJuly 25, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Most Anticipated Celebrity Memoirs Of 2025 appeared first on The Onion.   FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…

Tesla Opens Diner
The Onion

Tesla Opens Diner

FinnJuly 24, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionTesla CEO Elon Musk launched the company’s first diner in Los Angeles, with the futuristic pit stop featuring…

The Onion

AG Informed Trump His Name Tattooed All Over Epstein’s Body

FinnJuly 24, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In another dramatic twist in the ongoing scandal involving the late sex trafficker, sources confirmed this week that…

Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting
The Onion

Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting

FinnJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionTALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her…

Trump: ‘We Could Argue All Day About Who Is Or Isn’t A Child Rapist’
The Onion

Trump: ‘We Could Argue All Day About Who Is Or Isn’t A Child Rapist’

FinnJuly 24, 2025July 24, 2025

    Read MoreThe OnionThe post Trump: ‘We Could Argue All Day About Who Is Or Isn’t A Child Rapist’ appeared first…

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