AG Informed Trump His Name Tattooed All Over Epstein’s Body
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In another dramatic twist in the ongoing scandal involving the late sex trafficker, sources confirmed this week that…
Category: The Onion
Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting
Read MoreThe OnionTALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her…
Trump: ‘We Could Argue All Day About Who Is Or Isn’t A Child Rapist’
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Trump: ‘We Could Argue All Day About Who Is Or Isn’t A Child Rapist’ appeared first…
All The Changes Kristi Noem Is Making To TSA
Read MoreThe OnionHomeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has hinted that more changes are coming to TSA following the end of…
HHS Advises Low-Income Seniors To Wallow In Mud To Stay Cool
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Following federal cuts to utility bill assistance programs, the Department of Health and Human Services released guidance Thursday…
Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Shocking Video Captures Calm Police Officers Handling Situation Nonviolently appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame,…
Belichick Magnet
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Belichick Magnet appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of…
Object Of Decades-Long Emotional Affair Side-Hugged
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Object Of Decades-Long Emotional Affair Side-Hugged appeared first on The Onion. FinnFinn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind…
Trump Threatens Stadium Deal If Washington Commanders Don’t Change Name Back
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Donald Trump called for the Washington Commanders to change their name back to a previous one deemed…
Workaholic Father Finally Realizes Son’s Baseball Game More Important Than Civil Rights Law
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—Experiencing a sudden change of heart, longtime workaholic Eli Kaplan reportedly realized Monday that attending his son’s baseball…