Judge Gives Trump Administration 3 Days To Return Her From El Salvador Prison
Read MoreThe OnionGREENBELT, MD—Decrying the deportation as “wholly lawless,” U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis ruled Monday that the Trump administration…
Category: The Onion
3-Year-Old Discovers 3,800-Year-Old Amulet While On Family Outing
Read MoreThe OnionA 3-year-old girl found a scarab-shaped Canaanite amulet dating back some 3,800 years while on a hike with…
Revised National Parks Webpage Describes Harriet Tubman As Human Trafficker
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—As the Trump administration continues to alter the version of American history that appears in government publications, sources…
Sam Mendes Admits Idea For 4 Beatles Biopics Conceived Before He Heard About TV
Read MoreThe OnionREADING, ENGLAND—Calling his ignorance “a major oversight,” filmmaker Sam Mendes admitted Monday that he conceived his idea for…
Trump Assures U.S. Farmers Barron Will Eat Their Crops
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In an effort to dispel any fears that the ongoing trade wars might negatively impact net profits, President…
Shelly Greenfield and Patrick Chester
Read MoreThe OnionBride and groom exchanged vows before friends and family Saturday in a ceremony that delicately danced around the…
Tourist Asks Passerby To Take Boudoir Photo Of Him
Read MoreThe OnionBERLIN—Hoping to secure at least one nice picture as a memento of his trip abroad, an American tourist…
Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order
Read MoreThe OnionEconomists warn that, if left in place, Trump’s sweeping tariffs on U.S. trade partners will wreak havoc on…
Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now
Read MoreThe OnionHUNTSVILLE, AL—In an effort to comfort the child by telling her the funds had gone to a far…
Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine
Read MoreThe OnionThe post Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine appeared first on The…