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Category: The Onion
Meta Glasses Users Report Bug Where They Can See Mark Zuckerberg’s Memories
MENLO PARK, CA—Expressing frustration about the frequent error hampering the overall user experience, Meta Glasses wearers worldwide confirmed Friday…
South Korean Starbucks Apologizes For Ad That Evoked Massacre
South Korean businessman Chung Yong-jin, chairman of an investment group that owns a majority stake in Starbucks Korea, bowed…
Listerine Leaves 0.1% Of Germs Alive To Spread Message Of Terror Throughout Microbial Community
SUMMIT, NJ—In a surprise attack of astonishing brutality, oral cavity sources confirmed Thursday that the Listerine inside a local…
Trump Makes Figurines Of Himself, Ivanka Kiss In Miniature Ballroom Model
WASHINGTON—Mashing their faces together as he produced loud smooching sounds, President Donald Trump made figurines of himself and his…
Enhanced Games Allows Competing Athletes To Use Steroids
The inaugural Enhanced Games, consisting of weightlifting, swimming, and sprinting, were held, which allowed competitors to take performance-enhancing drugs…
Woman Worried She In Codependent Relationship With Rest Of Humanity
BOONE, NC—Noting that the troubling signs of a toxic dynamic had become too numerous to ignore, area woman Kara…
Elon Musk Hits Up Text Thread To See If Any Of His 13 Kids Has Ketamine
STARBASE, TX—Firing off dozens of messages in less than a minute at 2:30 a.m., Elon Musk reportedly hit up…
Trump Decries Lack Of Space To Host Parties Inside MRI Machine
BETHESDA, MD—Complaining during his annual physical Tuesday that the narrow tubelike structure offered next to no room for socializing,…
‘The Mandalorian And Grogu’ Slammed By Fans As Third-Best ‘Star Wars’ Film
The post ‘The Mandalorian And Grogu’ Slammed By Fans As Third-Best ‘Star Wars’ Film appeared first on The Onion.…