Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer
The post Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
Category: The Onion
Nephew Whacking The Hell Out Of Tree Trunk With Stick
The post Nephew Whacking The Hell Out Of Tree Trunk With Stick appeared first on The Onion. Read More…
Man Eating Salad Takes Moment To Appreciate What A Good Boy He’s Being
GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Pausing as he lifted a forkful of lettuce and baby spinach toward his mouth, local man Logan…
Tourist Disappointed To Leave Scotland Without Seeing Single Fat Bastard
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sighing as he prepared to board a bus to the airport for his return flight home, American tourist…
The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Zendaya
With her roles in the current and upcoming blockbusters The Odyssey, Spider-Man: Brand New Day, and Dune: Part Three,…
Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex
WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the negative effects of excessive screen time, a new study from Georgetown University published Thursday found…
Overbearing Girlfriend Expects Man To Take Feelings In Head, Use Words To Say Them Into World
BOSTON—Struggling to come to grips with the unreasonable demands, local man Gerald Ullman told reporters Wednesday that his overbearing…
Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat
The post Chippendales Recalls 4,000 Tons Of Tainted Man Meat appeared first on The Onion. Read More FinnFinn McFrame,…
China Viewed More Favorably Than U.S.
A Pew study found that China was viewed more favorably than America among the 36 countries surveyed, reporting 46%…
Man Angry He Got Hit By Sprinkler Acting Like He’s Never Going To Be Dry Again
EAU CLAIRE, WI—Staring down at his dampened shirt with a mixture of anger and stunned disbelief, local man Frank…