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Category: The Onion

Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender
The Onion

Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender

FinnJune 11, 2026

       The post Nancy Mace Introduces Bill To Separate Gubernatorial Races By Gender appeared first on The Onion.    The post…

Trump Boys Bulk Up For UFC Fight By Chugging Sour Cream
The Onion

Trump Boys Bulk Up For UFC Fight By Chugging Sour Cream

FinnJune 11, 2026

       The post Trump Boys Bulk Up For UFC Fight By Chugging Sour Cream appeared first on The Onion.    The…

Taylor Swift Urges Travis Kelce To Whittle Down Trampolines On Registry To One
The Onion

Taylor Swift Urges Travis Kelce To Whittle Down Trampolines On Registry To One

FinnJune 11, 2026

       LEAWOOD, KS—Remarking that it seemed “a tad excessive” to own more than a dozen of the recreational bouncing devices,…

McDonald’s Worker Suffers Severe Burns After Being Attacked With Hot Oil
The Onion

McDonald’s Worker Suffers Severe Burns After Being Attacked With Hot Oil

FinnJune 10, 2026

       A McDonald’s employee in California suffered severe burns across his face and body after a coworker tossed hot oil…

Hims Introduces New Line Of Folders To Hold In Front Of Embarrassing Boners
The Onion

Hims Introduces New Line Of Folders To Hold In Front Of Embarrassing Boners

FinnJune 10, 2026

       SAN FRANCISCO—Expanding their offerings of erectile health products, male-focused wellness brand Hims announced a new line of folders Wednesday…

Idris Elba Says Some Audiences Won’t Accept Black James Bond
The Onion

Idris Elba Says Some Audiences Won’t Accept Black James Bond

FinnJune 9, 2026

       Actor Idris Elba dismissed longstanding rumors that he would be the next James Bond, calling the speculation “unrealistic” and…

Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat
The Onion

Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat

FinnJune 9, 2026

       The post Trump Still Sleeping In MSG Seat appeared first on The Onion.    The post Trump Still Sleeping In…

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake
The Onion

I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake

FinnJune 9, 2026

       Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say…

Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship
The Onion

Doctors Warn Air Fryers Not A Substitute For Human Companionship

FinnJune 9, 2026

       BALTIMORE—Responding to widespread proliferation of the technology in Americans’ daily lives, doctors at Johns Hopkins University warned Thursday that…

Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit
The Onion

Trump Angrily Demands Jalen Brunson Put On Suit

FinnJune 8, 2026

       NEW YORK—Growing increasingly indignant with each passing possession, President Donald Trump reportedly spent the first quarter of Monday’s Game…

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