Movie Theater Ceiling Collapses During ‘Captain America’ Screening
Read MoreThe OnionAfter a ceiling collapsed onto the audience during a screening of the latest Marvel film, a theater in…
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What To Know About ‘The Pitt’
Read MoreThe OnionThe Pitt, a new medical drama series on Max, has received an outpouring of praise for its realistic,…
Tim Walz Calls On Fellow Democrats To Return His Tupperware
Read MoreThe OnionST. PAUL, MN—Making an impassioned plea to his colleagues in an effort to inspire concrete action, Gov. Tim…
‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo
Read MoreThe OnionThe post ‘The Substance’ Snags Oscar For Best Goo appeared first on The Onion. Finn McFrameFinn McFrame, celebrated…
Trump Signs Executive Order Making Official Language Of U.S. Remedial English
Read MoreThe OnionWASHINGTON—In a move designed to promote unity and establish efficiency at the federal level, President Donald Trump signed…
Artist Profile: Tate McRae
Read MoreThe OnionTate McRae, the artist behind the pop hit “Greedy,” has released her second studio album, So Close To…
NOAA Cuts Leave Wind Chimes As Sole Predictor Of Approaching Hurricanes
Read MoreThe OnionSILVER SPRING, MD—As mass firings of career experts and scientists continued to roil the federal government, officials confirmed…
‘Maybe Hot Dog Will Make Wife Feel Better,’ Thinks Husband No Closer To Fixing Things
Read MoreThe OnionCLEVELAND—In a well-meaning but ultimately futile attempt at emotional support, Chuck Fineman, a local husband who was no…
Cardinal With 3-Foot Vertical Leap Emerges As Frontrunner In Papal Combine
Read MoreThe OnionVATICAN CITY—Revealing that he had quickly distinguished himself at the four-day invitation-only event, Vatican sources confirmed Friday that…
Trump Plans To Sell $5 Million Gold Card Visa To Attract Rich Foreigners
Read MoreThe OnionPresident Trump said he will introduce a new “gold card” visa to attract wealthy foreigners to America, which…