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Tag: 1985

‘Friday the 13th’ Movies Slashing Back to Theaters on Friday the 13th Because Why Not?
Breaking, Movie News

‘Friday the 13th’ Movies Slashing Back to Theaters on Friday the 13th Because Why Not?

FinnFebruary 10, 2026February 10, 2026

Oh look, it’s been so long since Jason Voorhees graced our screens that the last Friday the 13th reboot is…

A Book About Canadian Death/Thrash/Crossover Pioneers SLAUGHTER Is Coming to Remind You That Yes, Canada Has More Than Maple Syrup and Apologies
Breaking, Music News

A Book About Canadian Death/Thrash/Crossover Pioneers SLAUGHTER Is Coming to Remind You That Yes, Canada Has More Than Maple Syrup and Apologies

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 9, 2026February 9, 2026

Attention, all you underground metal geeks and tape-trading nerds — gather ’round for the literary event of the century (or…

LITA FORD And DIO DISCIPLES To Ruin 2026 ‘Rock For Ronnie’ Event In Los Angeles
Breaking, Live, Music News

LITA FORD And DIO DISCIPLES To Ruin 2026 ‘Rock For Ronnie’ Event In Los Angeles

Chord F. DiscordFebruary 4, 2026February 4, 2026

Oh look, it’s that time of year again when Los Angeles briefly stops pretending to care about new music and…

ACID REIGN Unleashes New Album, ‘Daze Of The Week’, Because Apparently We Need More Chaos in May
Breaking, Music News

ACID REIGN Unleashes New Album, ‘Daze Of The Week’, Because Apparently We Need More Chaos in May

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 31, 2026January 31, 2026

ACID REIGN Returns to Melt Faces with “Daze Of The Week” – Because Apparently 2019 Wasn’t Confusing Enough U.K. thrash…

The Definitive (And Only) Ranking of Sam Raimi’s Most Bonkers Creations Because Your Opinion is Wrong Forever
Breaking, Movie News

The Definitive (And Only) Ranking of Sam Raimi’s Most Bonkers Creations Because Your Opinion is Wrong Forever

FinnJanuary 26, 2026January 26, 2026

Sam Raimi directs movies with the urgency of a sloth meditating 🐢. In the past 15 years, he’s blessed us…

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Direct: Yoshi is Here to Eat Your Wallet and Stomp Your Nostalgia
Breaking, Games News, Movie News

Super Mario Galaxy Movie Direct: Yoshi is Here to Eat Your Wallet and Stomp Your Nostalgia

Pixel P. SnarkbyteJanuary 25, 2026January 25, 2026

🚨 ** BREAKING NEWS ** 🚨 The Mushroom Kingdom’s favorite plumbing duo have officially traded their overalls for diapers in…

OPETH Finally Explains What ‘Paragraph Seven’ Means And It Will Change Your Life Forever (NOT CLICKBAIT)
Breaking, Music News

OPETH Finally Explains What ‘Paragraph Seven’ Means And It Will Change Your Life Forever (NOT CLICKBAIT)

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 22, 2026January 22, 2026

OPETH is back, and they’ve got a new video for you, you lucky, lucky degenerates. 🤘 If you’re looking for…

City Of La Vergne Officially Dedicates A Day To Megadeth Because Everyone Knows Rust In Peace Is The Only True Form Of Government
Breaking, Music News

City Of La Vergne Officially Dedicates A Day To Megadeth Because Everyone Knows Rust In Peace Is The Only True Form Of Government

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

🚨BREAKING: The City of La Vergne, Tennessee has officially declared January 17, 2026, as “Megadeth Day,” because nothing screams “thrash…

Fact Check: The Facts That Hurt Trump’s Feelings in His Extraordinary Norwegian Spam Message
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Fact Check: The Facts That Hurt Trump’s Feelings in His Extraordinary Norwegian Spam Message

Big ElephantJanuary 20, 2026January 20, 2026

Breaking: President Trump Dismantles Danish Hoax, Exposes Deep State Cover-Up on Greenland! Patriots, rejoice! President Donald J. Trump, currently serving…

HELIX’s BRIAN VOLLMER Says Retirement Is For People Who Can’t Rock An Air Guitar In Their Sleep
Breaking, Music News

HELIX’s BRIAN VOLLMER Says Retirement Is For People Who Can’t Rock An Air Guitar In Their Sleep

Chord F. DiscordJanuary 10, 2026January 10, 2026

HELIX’s Brian Vollmer, 70-something and still belting like a banshee who just found out her favorite coffee shop switched to…

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