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Everything You Need to Know About the Epstein Files Because Apparently We Still Haven’t Learned Anything
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Everything You Need to Know About the Epstein Files Because Apparently We Still Haven’t Learned Anything

Big ElephantDecember 22, 2025December 22, 2025

Leftist Pedophile Panic Exposed: Democrats Release Epstein Files as Political Weapon to Distract from Their Own Corruption In a desperate…

Appeals Court Gives Trump a Pass on National Guard Babysitting in DC—Guess He Still Needs a Nap
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Appeals Court Gives Trump a Pass on National Guard Babysitting in DC—Guess He Still Needs a Nap

Big ElephantDecember 17, 2025December 17, 2025

WASHINGTON (CNN) — In a stunning setback for the DNC’s favorite pet project — the District of Columbia — a…

Gene Simmons Weeps at 2025 Kennedy Center Honors While Pretending Ace Frehley Wasn’t Missing
Breaking, Music News

Gene Simmons Weeps at 2025 Kennedy Center Honors While Pretending Ace Frehley Wasn’t Missing

Chord F. DiscordDecember 11, 2025December 11, 2025

Gene Simmons Just Casually Declared Himself a Greek God While Accepting a Kennedy Center Honor, Because of Course He Did…

All the ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Clues in ‘Endgame’ (We’re All Doomed)
Breaking, Movie News

All the ‘Avengers: Doomsday’ Clues in ‘Endgame’ (We’re All Doomed)

FinnDecember 10, 2025December 10, 2025

🚨 BREAKING: Avengers: Doomsday is literally just Endgame: The Sequel – Because Apparently, We All Have Amnesia 🚨 😂 So,…

“LA Warehouses Dumping Grandma’s Old Junk Calls It ‘Vintage’ to Scam Hipsters”
Events

“LA Warehouses Dumping Grandma’s Old Junk Calls It ‘Vintage’ to Scam Hipsters”

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 8, 2025

🚨Breaking News: LA Vintage’s $6/lb Clothes Bonanza—Because Who Needs Self-Respect?🚨 📍 **Location**: 13003 S Figueroa St, Los Angeles, CA 90061…

Accept in Charles Town, West Virginia (12/06/2025)
Videos

Accept in Charles Town, West Virginia (12/06/2025)

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 8, 2025

German heavy metal from from Solingen Chuck B. BallsyChuck B. Ballsy, affectionately known in the satirical world as “The Sultan…

Events

“Beatrix Potter Doodles Some Bunny’s Winter Snapshot Like It’s Victorian Instagram”

Chuck B. BallsyDecember 7, 2025

🧵🐭 Beatrix Potter’s Secret Mouse Army: A Watercolour Conspiracy 🔍 **RECORDING ONLY**—Watch until Jan 11, 2026, unless the mice finish…

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer
Breaking, Elephant Reads CNN

Stryper’s Christmas Album: Prepare for a Yellow and Black Attack on Your Holiday Cheer

Big ElephantDecember 7, 2025December 7, 2025

Oh, great, CNN is peddling Stryper’s Christmas album. As if we need more leftist Hollywood elites trying to force their…

Guillermo Del Toro Throws Shade at AI Art, Declares War on Robots in Hollywood
Breaking, Movie News

Guillermo Del Toro Throws Shade at AI Art, Declares War on Robots in Hollywood

FinnDecember 2, 2025December 2, 2025

Guillermo del Toro, the cinematic genius (or so he thinks 🙄), took a break from patting himself on the back…

A.I. and Socialism: A Match Made in Dystopia
Elephant Reads CNN

A.I. and Socialism: A Match Made in Dystopia

Big ElephantNovember 1, 2025November 1, 2025

Ah, CNN, still peddling their leftist fantasies in 2025, even with President Trump leading America to greatness for a second…

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Latest posts

  • Retirement Income Dilemmas Because You Clearly Didn’t Save Enough
  • Carla Vasques Spills the Tea on Deficiency and Common Sense Policies or Lack Thereof
  • Trump Unveils New Air Force One Helicarrier
  • Taller gratuito donde te harán creer que tu vida cambiará en 5 años pero probablemente terminarás igual de perdido
  • LETLIVE Might Possibly Maybe Consider New Music If They Feel Like It Someday Maybe

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Introducing Jackal.Today: The Advertising Empire You’ve Always Dreamed Of!

Finn October 8, 2024
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Editorial 2026 main
Breaking, Editorial

Jackal Today’s New Year Message: We Hope 2026 Finally Stops Plagiarizing Our Satire as Breaking News

Finn December 31, 2025
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