Oh, great, another Toy Story movie. Because we definitely needed Woody to go through yet another existential crisis over a kid’s attachment issues. But this time, Pixar is really leaning into the real villain of our time: screen addiction. Yes, in Toy Story 5, the gang faces their most terrifying foe yet—a tablet. Not a sentient one, not a murderous one, just a regular iPad that’s hogging all of Bonnie’s attention. Honestly, the real horror is that it’s voiced by Greta Lee, so now even our childhood nostalgia is being gentrified.
The trailer shows Bonnie glued to her screen like a modern-day zombie, and Jessie is absolutely SHOOK. How is a cowgirl toy supposed to compete with YouTube and Roblox? Spoiler alert: she can’t. The toys are in full panic mode, and Jessie’s solution is to call in Woody, who, let’s not forget, straight-up left them at the end of Toy Story 4 to go live his best life with Bo Peep. But sure, let’s drag him back for this. Nothing says “compelling storytelling” like undoing a perfectly good ending for the sake of another sequel.
The voice cast is stacked, as always. Tom Hanks is back as Woody, Tim Allen is still voicing Buzz despite his…uh…controversial opinions, and Keanu Reeves is reprising his role as Duke Caboom, the Canadian daredevil toy who’s probably still doing sick stunts. New additions include Craig Robinson as a “cheerful talking GPS hippo” named Atlas, which sounds like a rejected character from a pharmaceutical commercial, and Matty Matheson as “Dr. Nutcase,” a tech-fearing toy. Honestly, same, Matty. Same.
Directed by Andrew Stanton, the genius behind Finding Nemo and WALL-E, Toy Story 5 is poised to be the sixth installment if you count Lightyear, which was technically about the human Buzz Lightyear, not the toy. So, yeah, Pixar is really milking this franchise like it’s a cash cow that also happens to be a sentient cowboy doll. And why not? Toy Story is the only Pixar franchise with more than three movies. Cars only made it to three, and even then, we all agreed that was one too many.
The official synopsis asks, “Will playtime ever be the same?” And honestly, the answer is no. Playtime is dead. Long live screen time. Bonnie’s tablet is here to stay, and the toys are just going to have to accept their new reality as background props in a child’s digital life. Maybe in Toy Story 6, they’ll have to compete with AI-powered toys that can actually hold a conversation. Or maybe they’ll just become NFTs. The possibilities are endless!
Toy Story 5 hits theaters on June 19, so mark your calendars if you’re ready to watch Woody and the gang navigate the horrors of modern parenting. And if you’re not, well, there’s always the tablet.
Finn McFrame, celebrated satirical mastermind and self-proclaimed “Emperor of Irony,” started his illustrious career as a cinematographer, where his expertise in capturing every single frame of a squirrel stealing a baguette earned him accolades at obscure film festivals.
Born in the glamorous town of Boring, Oregon, Finn grew up with dreams of being a Hollywood director until he realized that satire, not cinema, was his true calling—or at least the one that let him sleep until noon.
Finn McFrame: changing the world, one satirical lens flare at a time.
